


New Wounds Covering Old Scars

by frosty600



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-03 17:13:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14573712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frosty600/pseuds/frosty600
Summary: AU. Buffy is Angelus' first Childe, he turns her at the young vampiric age of 50 when Darla leaves him on his own for the first time. As a human Buffy held so much love and compassion in her heart and soul that those traits infected the demons soul leaving Angelus sorely disappointed in his first Childe and after a short time he abandons her to die and rejoins his Sire. B/A, B/Aus





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters mentioned in the cannon.

**PRELUDE**

 

Willow glanced over at the petite blond vampiress that was standing in her apartment, looking out the window, “You know, we’ve known each other for almost three weeks now and I still don’t know all that much about you,” she observed.

Buffy smiled up at the night sky with bemused amusement, “I’m a vampire, part of my charm is mystery,” she deflected.

Willow pouted as she closed the lid of her laptop and swivelled her chair around to face Buffy, giving up on trying to work on her assignment, far too distracted by her curiosity.

 

“Come on, you know heaps about me and I only really know that you’re a vampire with a pension for saving people,” Willow prodded.

“I wouldn’t have to if a certain red headed UC Sunnydale student/Wiccan didn’t go walking around after dark in a shady area like demon bait,” Buffy retorted, the amused smile still curling up her lips.

 

“I needed a certain herb for a spell and the magic shop was completely out,” Willow defended herself.

 

Buffy finally turned from the window to look at her friend; the only one she’d truly had since her turning, “Would the magic shop have had more stocked the next day?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Well, I didn’t want to wait to try it out,” Willow defended herself again, this time shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

Buffy shook her head fondly, but her expression was stern as she observed her friend, “Next time wait,” she ordered in a voice that brooked no arguments.

“The spell worked great by the way, in case you were interested, “Willow mumbled.

 

“I’m sure,” Buffy replied as she turned back to the window; she hadn’t needed the quirky red head to tell her she was a Wiccan the magic in her blood was obvious to those who knew what to look for.

“One thing I have noticed about you is that you love watching the night sky,” Willow commented as she leaned back in her chair.

 

Buffy lips curled up in a slightly sad smile, “It’s the only form of sunlight I have left, even if it is only a pale reflection of the same. I used to love the sun, much to my parents, especially my mother’s aggravation. Unlike today tan were definitely not in fashion,” she tore her gaze away from the pale half-moon as she turned back around to look at Willow again, “There that’s a couple of things that you didn’t know about me before,” she chirped brightly.

 

“But that’s only the little things. I wanna know some of the good stuff,” Willow urged eagerly as she leaned forward in her desk chair.

Buffy raised an eyebrow, “And what exactly would the good stuff be exactly?” she asked a little warily, not used to opening herself up to another person anymore.

 

“How old you are? Who Sired you? What were you like when you travelled with them… your adventures?” Willow rattled off failing to notice in her excitement the Buffy’s body had tensed and had become defensive at the mere mention of her Sire.

 

“I have to go,” Buffy muttered as she moved for the door of Willow’s one bedroom apartment.

 

“Already?” Willow questioned surprised, “It’s still early… for a vampire anyway,” she tacked on as she glanced over at the clock on her microwave.

“I should let you get some sleep, humans need it much more than a vampire of my age… and I have some vampire things to do,” Buffy excused herself and was out the door, before Willow could do more than wonder once again at Buffy’s age.

 

“Damn, she was finally starting to open up to,” she muttered disappointedly, before shrugging it off and turning back to her computer, figuring that those was always next time she met up with the vampiress that had saved her life.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy sighed in relief as she walked into her apartment, her body relaxing as she took in the safe familiar environment of her dimly lit apartment.

 

_Perhaps I over reacted._

 

She thought as she tossed her keys onto her coffee table as she passed it on her way to the kitchen. She smiled as the strange stray grey car she had taken in after the little feline had followed her home on her way back from one of her outings, as the female cat pounced up onto the kitchen island in an attempt to frighten her.

 

“Yes, I know Ms Kitty, I’m getting your kitty food now,” she assured the animal as she meowed up at her a little reproachfully.

 

The cats striking green eyes followed Buffy’s every movement as she took out a can of cat food out of the fridge. With a purr and a leap Ms Kitty hurriedly followed after Buffy as she walked towards her empty food bowl. Using the can opener she’d installed on the wall she opened the can and dumped the contents into the bowl whilst holding Ms Kitty back so that she wasn’t dumping it on her newly acquired impatient pets head.

 

“There you go Ms Kitty, enjoy,” she murmured as she gave the cats head a pat, before straightening up with a sigh.

 

_You really are a strange cat, Ms Kitty._ Buffy thought affectionately as she stared down at the cat that was now eating with gusto. Animals of all kinds tended to avoid vampires, their survival instincts telling them to stay away. _Makes sense though, only strange creatures could or want to be friends with a freak of nature._

 

And she was a freak even by vampire standards.

 

“What would I do without the strangeness of you and Willow, hey Ms Kitty? I really shouldn’t have reacted so badly to the mention of my Sire. It’s only natural for her to be curious, right?”

Ms Kitty looked up at her as she licked her lips and meowed up at her reproachfully.

“And you just want to eat, huh? Alright, I’ll let ya,” Buffy murmured.

 

Straightening up Buffy moved away from Ms Kitty to let her cat eat in peace as the grey cat went back to her food bowl.

Buffy walked over to the living area and sat herself down on the couch and flicked on the old TV intending to relax and unwind for the rest of the night.

 

Her mind however had other plans as it drifted to the night she had really met Willow for the first time. It had been just like every other night to begin with she’d fed and then left the bustling crowd to wander the night with no particular destination in mind; having the desire to enjoy the light of the moon and the stars.

 

The moon had been full that night she recalled and she’d ended up on a high lonesome hill that afforded her an excellent view of the sky.

It had gotten close to midnight when she’d felt a human presence amongst the demonic ones that were lurking about the night and immediately the fell of the hill changed to one of hungry excitement…

 

Buffy sighed and sat up from her reclining position in the grass, her head turning in the direction of the approaching human, and her keen eyes easily caught sight of the woman in the dark. Buffy shied back from the torch light the young woman was waving over the night.

 

On instinct Buffy moved swiftly into the shadows, her haze focused on the encroaching human; one she recognised from just seeing her about the town.

 

Mostly in the Bronze, but occasionally out on the street as well.

 

_What is a young Witch doing out here this late?_ She wondered curiously. It was what made the human so noticeable to her on the street and in the crowded club; the feel of the magicks surrounding her.

 

“Where is it? I know it grows around here?” the red head muttered under her breath as she scanned the ground with her torch. Buffy’s eyes narrowed as she felt a few more ballsy demons draw closer wanting to taste the magic in the young woman’s blood. Most demons left Witch’s alone, the risks weren’t worth the reward.

 

_Run._ Buffy silently urged the woman as the ballsy vamps crested the hill. Completely unaware of the danger the woman made a triumphant sound and eagerly bent to the ground to dig.

 

_Look up, run or something! Just notice!_ Buffy thought agitatedly. _Damn._ She mentally shouted as the vampires surrounded her and finally the witch noticed.

 

_Finally,_ Buffy thought with relief only for her relief to vanish the next instant as instead of casting a spell to save herself, she began stuttering and her fear washed over the hill in a strong wave, “Some witch,” Buffy muttered annoyed as she ran for the nearest tree; breaking off a branch with a crack.

 

The sound had the vampires looking around a little nervously thinking that perhaps the witch might be trying something. Not seeing anything they growled and lunged for the young witch making her scream in fright.

 

They paused again however as a small tree branch was thrust through one of their chests.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s just plain rude to pick on a girl?” Buffy quipped as the vamp turned to dust.

 

“You! You’d turn on your own kind?!” One exclaimed with wide nervous eyes.

Buffy shrugged at the younger vamp, “Why not? I’m a freak of nature, right?”

“You’ll die for this you freak!” A slightly older, meatier vamp snarled.

“You’re welcome to try, but I should warn you, I’m a survivor,” Buffy warned as she twirled her makeshift stake. She didn’t need the witch’s scream to know that one of the three vamps had leapt at her.

 

With s smooth movement she raised her arm and let the vamp impale himself on her weapon, “Arial attack, very sloppy. Even vamps as young as you should know better,” she taunted as she pulled her stake free of the vamp before he exploded into dust.

She slammed her stake behind her as she felt the younger female charge at her back, the sharp point penetrating her chest.

 

No way,” she heard the vampiress exhale as she tugged her stake free.

“But then, vamps that will attack another that’s almost two centuries older than them, can’t be all that smart,” Buffy continued on as if she hadn’t just staked another.

 

“You’re completely insane!” the last vampire exclaimed terrified, “Killing your own kind over some mortal,”

“My kind??” Buffy repeated in a soft dangerous voice, “You are hardly one of my kind. Whoever turned you must have been blind or desperate for some kind of companionship. Tell me when was the last time you washed or even changed your clothes? The 30’s?”

 

  
At least My Sire didn’t abandon me like yours. You human loving freak!” the vamp retorted affronted by her jab. The look in Buffy’s eyes afterwards though, made him wish he had kept his mother shut. With a last nervous glance at Buffy’s stake he turned and fled.

 

Buffy watched him for a moment, her hand tightening around her makeshift stake, before she threw the pointed wooden weapon after him; her anger over the painful reminder of her Sire’s betrayal not allowing her to let him get away with his un-life.

She watched with satisfaction as the vampire cried out as the wood pierced his heart through his back, his whole body freezing in mid-motion before crumpling into nothing.

 

Rolling her neck to release the last of the tension, she turned to face the red head witch who was looking at her in wonder. Something she hadn’t seen on anyone’s face regarding her since her turning…

 

Buffy was pulled from her thoughts and back to the present as the familiar pull of the rising sun pulled at her senses warningly. Turning off the TV, she stood and made her way to the safety of her bedroom.

 

Walking down the flight of stairs to the converted basement, she moved to shut the door when a ball of fur shot through the remaining crack.

Buffy chuckled as she shut the door and swiftly changed into her pyjamas. Settling under the sheets, she smiled as she felt Ms Kitty jumping up onto the bed and curling up against her side.

 

“So now you feel like being all affectionate,” Buffy murmured as she began patting her cats grey fur.

A short moment later Ms Kitty began to purr contentedly and nuzzled deeper into Buffy’s side.

 

The only form of love Buffy had received since her Sire’s abandonment all those years ago, and as always when her strange cat showed her love, Buffy drifted to sleep with a warmth in her chest.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel tripped down the stone stair of the crypt, his body aching from tiredness and unsatisfied hunger. He hurried to the stone tomb and quickly sealed himself inside just as dawn truly broke over the sky of Sunnydale.

 

_Please let the rumours be true. Please let there be someone here who can help me._ Was Angel’s last desperate thought, before exhaustion pulled him into sleep.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters mentioned in the cannon

**CHAPTER 1**

 

Buffy opened her front door and blinked in surprise at seeing her red headed friend at her front door a bottle of what looked to be red wine clutched in her left hand, “Will, hi,” she greeted with surprise.

“Hey,” Willow greeted a little nervously, “You not happy to see me?” she asked.

“No, no,” Buffy hurried to assure her friend, “It’s just you haven’t visited me here before,” she explained as she stepped back to allow the talented when not under pressure Wiccan into her home.

 

“Well actually, I came to offer an apology. See apology gift,” Willow said as she held out the bottle of wine out to her friend, “And hang out of course, before class,”

Buffy accepted the offered bottle, “An apology?” she queried as she raised her gaze from the bottle to Willow.

Willow nodded, “Yeah, after you left I realized that I may have been a bit callous and nosey in my curiosity,” Buffy chuckled softly, “What?” Willow asked with a small frown.

“Nothing,” Buffy murmured with a slightly wry smile, “It’s just when I got home last night. I was thinking that perhaps I should apologize for over reacting,”

 

Willow’s frown cleared away in relief as she chuckled to, “So, apology accepted then?”

“There’s no need for one,” Buffy murmured, “Would you like a glass?” she asked as she turned towards the kitchen.

Willow nodded, “Please,” she agreed as she followed Buffy, coming to a stop by the kitchen island whilst Buffy pulled down a couple of wine glasses from a cupboard above the unused stove.

“So, what class do you have tonight?” Buffy asked as with an effortless twist of her wrist she opened the bottle and began to pour a generous amount into the glasses.

 

“Drama,” Willow murmured with a sigh.

Buffy looked up at her as she finished pouring, “So, I suppose you’re going to want a touch more wine?”

Willow nodded, “Yes please, I’ve got to start practicing my part tonight,” she admitted nervously, “It’s making me wonder why I wanted to take drama to begin with,” she smiled gratefully as Buffy sloshed a bit more wine into her glass for a dose of courage.

 

The two sat in silence for a moment as they sipped at the slightly fruity red that Willow had picked out. A contemplative look on Buffy’s face as she stared at the red liquid in her glass, before she lifted her gaze to her friend who was savouring another mouthful of the wine.

 

“I’m one hundred and ninety-five years old,” Buffy broke the silence between them and heard Willow almost choke on her wine as she tried to swallow it to fast in her surprise.

“Seriously,” Willow exclaimed excitedly, “So, you’ve been alive for almost two centuries,” she practically squealed.

“A little over if you count human years,” Buffy murmured with a shrug, a small amused smile curling up her lips at her friend’s reaction.

 

“Wow, so you’re Sire must be really old huh,” Willow murmured

“Not so much,” Buffy grumbled, before taking a large gulp of the wine that polished off three quarts of the glass and began topping up her glass. If she was going to have talk about her Sire she was going to need a fair bit of alcoholic fortification, “He turned me when he was only fifty years old putting him at two hundred and forty-five now,”

 

Willow stared at Buffy with mild concern as the small blond took another rather large gulp of her newly topped up wine glass, “Uh, sorry if I’m prying, but I’m kinda getting a bad blood vibe here,” she questioned.

Buffy snorted huffily, “You could say that. The bastard left me to die a couple of months after my turning when he realized that I’d never be what he wanted me to be,”

“And what was that?” Willow asked curiously.

“To be exactly like him,” Buffy sneered, before taking another gulp of wine from her glass.

 

“Oh,” Willow murmured, a thousand more questions burning on the tip of her tongue, but with all the hostility she could see in Buffy’s posture as she gulped down the wine she decided that it would be better if she didn’t put a voice to them for now and move onto a safer subject, “So what are your plans for the night?”

Buffy shrugged before replying, “I’ll probably swing by the Bronze a little later. Have a few drinks at the bar,” _Dance away the anger talking about my Sire stirs in me._ She added silently, not wanting to let Willow know just how much talking about her Sire affected her.

 

“What’s your play about again?” Buffy asked to get her mind off it.

“It’s Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew and somehow I managed to land Katherina’s part,” Willow said woefully, “I’m the farthest thing from Katherina’s character as a person can get,”

“Katherina’s the foul tempered one right?” Buffy asked as she frowned as she tried to remember the play she hadn’t seen in a few good long years.

Willow nodded her agreement with the same woeful air.

“I can see why you’d be worried,” Buffy agreed.

 

“Great, thanks,” Willow grumbled.

Buffy blinked, “Oh, was I supposed to say something different?” she asked apologetically.

“Well, I was kinda hoping for a pep talk,” Willow admitted.

“Oh, I kind of suck at those, I can try if you like?” Buffy offered.

“No, don’t bother, just top me up please,” Willow urged as she pushed the empty wine glass towards Buffy who obligingly filled it up for her.

“Are you sure you should be drinking so much before class?” Buffy asked as she nudged the glass back over to the Wiccan.

 

Willow shrugged, “I consider it courage gathering, I’m gonna need it if I’m going to make a fool of myself in front of my entire class,”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Buffy attempted to encourage.

“Thanks,” Willow murmured, before taking her first swallow of her newly filled glass, “You are going to come watch the performance, when it’s finally on stage, right?” she asked hopefully.

“Sure, I’ve got the date circled on the calendar, all I need is for you to give out the tickets,” Buffy assured Willow as she took a far calmer more leisurely sip from her own glass.

 

Willow smiled appreciatively at her friend, “Thanks,” she said more appreciatively this time as strange as it probably was she would feel so much better if she knew a few of the people in the crowd watching her make a fool of herself instead of just strangers.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy slid her fangs from the man’s neck that had been hoping for a quickie in the alley outside the Bronze. She licked the puncture wounds closed not wanting the guy to bleed to death, releasing his shoulders she took a firm grip on the man pale face, her hazel eyes meeting his scared blue ones.

“All you’re going to remember about tonight is that you met a girl and that you had a really good time,” the man nodded his understanding, his blue eyes hazing over as he fell completely under the influence of her thrall, “Now call a taxi and go home and have a good night’s sleep,” Buffy ordered.

 

Releasing him she turned away from the man and began walking confident that he would do as she had told him, stepping out of the alley and onto the street, Buffy ran her tongue over once again blunt human teeth, swiping off any blood that clung to her incisors. 

 

Walking down the dark dimly lit street, she wondered how Willow was doing with her drama practice. It was difficult for her to imagine the friendly, rather sweet red head acting anything like the disagreeable Katherina of Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, but she was sure the determined red head would pull it off with enough practice. In the three weeks that she had known the young red head she had never seen her not pull off something she was determined to do, of course that mostly related to spells the Wiccan wanted to master.

 

It had been a long time since Buffy had ever run into anyone with as much drive and determination as Willow. She found it rather refreshing if not exhausting sometimes, especially when Willow ran around collecting ingredients for her spells. She’d even been sent on a run a couple of times when there wasn’t enough of a particular herb and the Magic Shop was closed or out of stock. She didn’t mind in the slightest though, it was something different for her to do and Willow’s excitement over her successes was catching it.

 

And after two centuries there wasn’t much to get excited about… in fact she’d been growing bored with the routine she had fallen into since moving into the small town in the hopes of getting away from all the excited gossip that would prop up about Angelus The Scourge of Europe and his happy little family. It seemed to her that just as things had down after one of his bloody exploits something else would pop up almost directly after and the excitement would rush up once again and everywhere she went she’d hear talk of him and his family all over again.

 

And her move to this little town situated quiet prettily on top of a Hellmouth had worked for the most part. The gossip still reached here, but it was much easier for her to ignore it here. After all most of the demons and vampires that came here weren’t interested in what went on outside the town. They were interested only in their own plans and interests, plans that usually involved the Hellmouth.

 

Luckily most were too stupid to achieve anything and normally died in the attempt. Only the stupid wanted anything to do with the Hellmouth, only the stupidly power hunger that had no thought other than the power and prestige they hoped it would give them. Something she was most grateful for, the last thing she wanted was the world to go to hell in a hand basket.

 

There had been one however a fair few years back that had been a worry, and for the first time since coming to the town she’d killed. Killed the demon and perhaps saved the world from a hellish future that unleash what was locked beneath the Hellmouth would bring.

 

Buffy sighed and rolled her shoulders as she paused at a street light. A frown darkened her brow as she got the sudden prickly sensation of being watched along with a demonic presence, one that made her shiver with the strength of it. Her frown deepened for a moment as she thought for a brief moment that it felt familiar, but she couldn’t place it for the un-life of her.

 

Shaking it off as the green light to walk blinked on, Buffy moved across the street keeping her pace calm and unaffected as if she didn’t know she was being followed as the demon followed her with all the silence of a vampire… one older than her if the tingle over her senses was anything to go by.

 

Buffy pursed her lips in annoyed irritation, she really didn’t feel like this crap tonight. She hadn’t done anything to warrant the trouble that usually came of being followed by an unknown vampire in a town like Sunnydale… at least not recently.

 

Turning a corner she strolled halfway down, before slipping into the shadows of an alley entrance and waited with as much patience as she could muster as she felt the presence getting slowly closer and closer as whoever it was followed after her at an annoyingly cautious pace.

When it finally got close enough Buffy reached an arm out of the shadows she had hidden in with a swift motion, her hand closing around a shirt, before she tugged the heavy weight into the alley, swinging the vampire around she slammed him up against the alley wall, her face shifting into the hard ridges of the demon as she held him pinned there and growled aggressively at her pursuer.

 

Buffy froze as she took in the face she had never thought to see again, her hands loosening around his shirt in her surprise, “A-Angelus!” she gasped, her face shifting back to the smoother features of the human girl she had once been.

 

Angel coughed a little, his back aching from the impact against the brick wall, “I didn’t mean to startle you,” he apologised.

Buffy frowned, her hazel eyes flashing angrily, “Startle me?! You were stalking me!” she snarled with annoyance as she took a few steps back from the vampire she hadn’t seen in almost two centuries.

“Not stalking, following,” Angel murmured as he straightened out his rumpled and dirty clothes.

 

“Oh, like there’s really a difference when it comes to you,” Buffy sneered as she crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at the Sire that had abandoned her all those years ago, “What are you even doing here anyway? A small town like this is hardly your style, Angelus,”

Angel flinched at the use of the demons name, “Please don’t call me that,”

Buffy frowned, “Why it’s your name,”

“I go by Angel now,” Angel replied as he shifted a little anxiously as he stared at the Childe he’d thought long dead, “When I came here, I didn’t think I’d find you,” he murmured, guilt lacing his voice.

 

Something that Buffy missed in her righteous anger, “I’m sure. You did leave me to die after all,”

Angel winced, “Not really, I just,”

“Left?” Buffy finished when Angel hesitated, “What else do you call abandoning a two month old vampire without a word?” she growled with a glare, “Whatever you came here for, forget it and just leave. This town isn’t big enough for the both of us,” she demanded as she turned to stalk off.

 

“Wait!” Angel called a desperate note to his voice as he reached out and snagged Buffy’s elbow making the female vampire freeze, her entire body stiffening at the contact, “I-I need your help,” Buffy growled at his audacity at asking such a thing of her, “I know I don’t deserve it, but I need help. I-I won’t survive,”

Buffy slowly turned her head towards him, the frown still on her face, “You’ve been doing quite well for the past two and a half centuries without me,” she pointed out.

 

“Please,” he shamelessly begged, ignoring the irate demons snarling at doing something it considered so beneath them, it having come out of the shock at seeing its first Childe. The Childe he’d considered a failure still alive, “I-I have a soul,” he managed to grit out between clenched teeth.

Buffy’s eyes widened slightly, her body freezing again, her eyes shifted from his face that she knew from experience could deceive so easily. Her hazel eyes drifted down and for the first time took in the worn, dishevelled, dirty state of his clothes, not something she had ever seen on Angelus before. He’d always taken such pride in his appearance and she very much doubted that that would have changed over the centuries.

 

She stood frozen, thrown off kilter by his words and completely unsure what to do, what to believe… if she even wanted to help him if it was true. Yanking her arm free of his grip, she did the only thing she could think to do under the circumstances run!

 

Angel watched her go with sad, resigned eyes. He’d known the moment he’d seen her that his chances of getting help in surviving with this almost paralysing guilt and pain would be slim to none, especially when she’d yanked him into the alley and he’d become completely certain that it was the Childe he’d abandoned.

 

It was nothing more than he deserved, he knew. But he had hoped that she would, with her nature, take pity on him even when he’d had none to give to her when she’d been struggling with the demands of his demon, the suffering he had put her through in those two months they had been together, in an attempt to change the demon she had become to mould her into something more like what he himself had been like. And when he’d grown tried and frustrated of trying, he’d left without a word, without her even knowing to begin with, quiet happy to let her die whilst he re-joined his Sire.

 

Yes this was definitely all he deserved.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy came to a stop a fair few blocks away and realized that her feet had carried her to the one person in the town that she could talk to. Walking up the path to the Wiccan’s drive way, Buffy calmed her breathing down as she approached the door and rang the doorbell hoping that Willow was home from class.

 

After a few moments the door opened and the curious look on Willow’s face turned to delight at seeing Buffy, “Hey, come to see how practice went?” she asked eagerly as she stepped back to let Buffy in, “It actually went much better than I thought. I actually found it fun to play Katherina’s part and I don’t think I did to badly for a first run through,” Willow babbled excitedly as Buffy stepped over the threshold and into the house.

 

“He’s back,” Buffy said after Willow closed the door behind her, making the red head frown in confusion.

“Who?” Willow asked growing worried as she took in her friend’s face that was torn between anxiety and anger.

“My Sire,” Buffy replied and actually heard Willow’s heart skip a small beat before it picked up speed in excitement and perhaps a little anxiety.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters mentioned in the cannon

**CHAPTER 2**

 

Buffy and Willow sat in silence in the red heads living room. Willow absorbing everything she had just heard whilst Buffy continued to try and figure out what she was going to do about her Sire’s unexpected appearance in her town.

 

“So, do you think Angelus, is on the up and up about needing help?” Willow finally asked, breaking the silence that had descended upon them the moment Buffy had finished talking.

Buffy shrugged, feeling a little helpless in the face of the return of her Sire, “I don’t know,” she murmured, “I only really knew him for two months,” she grumbled, “But he seemed sincere,” she mumbled.

 

Buffy leaned back against the couch and sighed in frustration. His sincerity didn’t mean a thing to her. He was a master manipulator. She knew that for a fact. He was also a master of getting under her skin. Her hands clenched into fists on top of her thighs, “Not that that means much,” she finally spoke again.

 

“Isn’t there some way for you to be able to tell for certain if he really does have a soul?” Willow asked a little tentatively, not wanting to upset her already distressed friend.

Buffy sighed as she considered Willow’s suggestion, “Well, I suppose there is one thing,” she reluctantly admitted.

“If it requires magic, I’d be happy to help,” Willow offered, unable to keep the enthusiasm out of her voice this time.

 

Buffy gave her friend a small smile, “Thanks, Will,” she murmured, “But, it won’t require magic. Just my nose, that is if I can even stomach getting close to him again,” she grumbled.

Willow deflated a little, having been hoping for an excuse to at least perhaps see the vampire that had sired her friend, but then if what Buffy had been telling her was true… then perhaps it would be better if she didn’t get involved with the manipulative vampire.

 

“So, will you help him then… if he needs help that is?” Willow asked as she took a sip of her herbal tea.

Buffy sat up straight on the couch, a small conflicted frown darkening her brow, “I don’t know, Will. A large part of me just wants to leave him to rot in whatever mess he’s gotten himself into. If he’s even really gotten himself into a mess at all,” she admitted.

Willow smiled, “But there’s another part of you that wants to help him, because you know it’s the right thing to do. Even if he did leave you to die,” she said knowingly.

 

“How’d you know that?” Buffy asked.

Willow shrugged, a slightly smug look on her face, “You’re the vampiress that saved a terrified stiff Wiccan from certain death,”

“Perhaps I’m not as mysterious as I first thought,” Buffy murmured, glad for the slight change in subject.

“Or, I’m just slowly unravelling the mystery that is you,” Willow suggested.

 

Buffy cracked a small amused smile, which Willow returned whole heartedly, glad to see her friend beginning to relax again, even if it was only for a little while.

 

***O*O*O***

 

That day Buffy laid awake, sleep eluding her completely as her mind jumped back and forth around her dilemma.

Ms Kitty’s warm purring form as her grey cat lay curled up on her stomach offering only minimal comfort as she stroked her hand over the cat’s warm soft fur.

 

“What do you think I should do, Ms Kitty? Is he tricking and got some diabolical plan to dust me or is he for real and suffering?” Buffy asked out loud.

Ms Kitty cracked open an eye and meowed reproachfully up at her.

Buffy focused her gaze on her cat and sigh, “Right, sorry. I’ll get behind the ears,” she assured her, before placing her hand on Ms Kitty’s head and gently massaged her fingers around her cats ears making Ms Kitty purr all the louder in her delight, “Your problems come first, I forgot,” Buffy murmured.

 

Buffy lapsed into silence after that, her hand steadily obeying her cats silent and sometimes not so silent demands to be patted in certain places. Her hand moving on autopilot whilst she gazed unseeingly up at the ceiling, her mind focused completely for the first time on her Sire.

 

Her mind easily summoning up an image of him as he had appeared to her in the alley, all dirty and un-kept, not the immaculate image he usually presented to the world. Neither had he had the cocky, arrogant demeanour that he normally swaggered about with.

No if anything he had been contrite… and looked almost guilt ridden.

 

Buffy shifted uncomfortably and received Ms Kitty’s disapproving claws digging into her stomach at the small jostling. Absentmindedly Buffy soothed Ms Kitty with a scratch under the chin, before stroking a hand over her head. The action almost immediately had the room filled with the sound of Ms Kitty’s contented purrs once again.

 

_Remember Buffy. He’s the world’s best actor. You can’t rely on what your ears and probably not even what your eyes tell you._

 

Buffy sighed loudly, “Well, I don’t think I’ll be getting any sleep today, Ms Kitty,” she murmured.

Ms Kitty meowed and bumped her head into Buffy’s hand and Buffy chuckled softly, “Yes, I thought that’d make you happy. You get to fall asleep purring,” she murmured with affection, her hand once again massaging Ms Kitty behind the ears.

 

_But what am I going to do about Angelus… is he for real or is he just fucking with me?_ Buffy thought with uncertainty.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy left her apartment the moment night had fallen enough to make it safe for her to stir out of doors. Her prediction of not getting any sleep having come true, her mind to busy whirling around in circles to pay any attention to the need for sleep. In a small way her insomnia had allowed her to finally realize that she wouldn’t get any peace if she didn’t go and see if Angelus was telling the truth.

 

Her steps were full of purpose as they swiftly propelled her through the darkening streets as dusk shifted to the true darkness of the night. She would never admit it aloud, but a part of her… a very small part of her was actually pleased that Angelus might actually need her. That his continued existence may just depend on whether or not she decided to help him.

 

_Don’t get carried away._ Buffy cautioned herself as she turned a corner as she headed towards a small time demon bar at the heart of the slums in the small town. _He’s probably just trying to play you for some devious reason of his own._

 

Buffy huffed out a breath of annoyance as doubts once again gnawed at her, making her question whether or not this was really the right choice. The last thing she needed or wanted after all these years was to get dragged back under Angelus’ spell only to find herself left for dust once again.

 

_Just check out his story and if he’s lying kick him where the sun don’t shine for good measure and stalk off with your head held high!_

 

Buffy told herself firmly as she pushed open the door to the bar and stepped inside the dimly lit stuffy bar that most demons and vampires in Sunnydale frequented when looking for a quiet drink and little to no human interaction… unless you counted the owner and bar tender…

 

Buffy directed her gaze to the bar and smiled a small smile at Willy who had looked up from wiping up a spill from his bar the moment the door had opened.

“Hey Willy,” she greeted after she’d reached the bar.

“After a drink?” Willow asked as he regarded the small vampiress who was an infrequent customer.

Buffy shook her head, “I’m after your other considerable service,” she informed him and immediately took note of the way his face paled and he swallowed nervously.

 

“Really? Any chance I can persuade you to buy a drink instead?” Willy asked with a nervous look about the bar, wondering if any of the other patrons had heard her mention his other business.

“You don’t have to worry, I’m not after any info that’ll get you in trouble,” Buffy assured him and his expression relaxed visibly, “But if it makes you feel any better, I’ll buy a drink,”

“What’ll you have?” He asked, not willing to say ‘no’ to money.

“Barkeeps choice,” Buffy replied, she’d barely finished speaking before Willow was mixing a concoction for her.

“So, what do you need to know?” Willy asked as he finished making her drink and set the thick red concoction in front of her.

 

“My Sire, I assume you know who that is?” when Willy nodded Buffy continued, “He’s in town and I’m guessing a guy like you with his ear constantly pressed to the ground, would know where he’s hold himself up,” she flattered as she curled her hand around the slightly warm glass.

Willy hesitated, “Why-Why would you want to know that? From what I’ve heard you and your Sire don’t have the best, uh, blood between you,”

 

Buffy rolled her eyes, before growling and with a movement that was too fast for Willy to see, she grasped him by the back of the head and slammed it down against the bar, just hard enough for it to make a sharp crack sound when his head made contact with the bar.

“That’s right, Willy. There is bad blood between Angelus and I. So as you can imagine I’ve had a bad past couple of days. Do you really want me to take my bad day out on you or Angelus?” Buffy asked with a false perky politeness as she continued to hold his head against the wood of the bar.

 

Willy let out a slightly pained sound as his head throbbed with a dull headache. The patrons in his bar deliberately ignoring his dilemma out of disinterest in the trouble the snitch had gotten into.

“He’s taken up residence in the old Hutchiton crypt in Restfield cemetery,” he divulged, in the hopes of avoiding getting beating up by the petite blond vampiress.

 

Buffy released him and took a few steps back a small frown puckering her brow at just how unlike Angelus it was to lower himself to staying in a crypt. His love for fancy houses with a view wouldn’t allow him to settle for something as dank and spartan as a crypt.

 

Willy breathed a sigh of relief as Buffy turned and stalked out of his bar as quickly as she had come. He brushed off his clothes, straightening them out, before he went back to cleaning his bar. Intent on ignoring the entire experience, a large part of him hoping that in doing so he would avoid any retaliation from any vampire or demon in the bar that was loyal to the dark centuries old vampire.

 

Willy shuddered, already regretting taking the coward’s way out. If any of the rumours about Angelus were true and he found out that Willy the snitch had ratted him out… Willy shuddered again. He didn’t even want to think about what would be done to him! The very thought horrified him so much that he didn’t realize that Buffy hadn’t paid for the drink he had given her for hours.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel sat on the tomb he had slept in to hide from the sun, a deep brooding frown darkening his face as he stared blankly at the wall opposite. The feeling that he had made a mistake in coming here in the hopes of finding someone that could help him with the guilt he was haunted with.

It had been a fool’s hope to begin with, he knew, but he’d been willing to make the journey to hope that the rumours where true but…

 

Buffy…

 

There was no chance in hell that she would condescend to help him and he couldn’t blame her. He’d committed a cardinal sin against her in the arrogance of his youth. One that even Darla had frowned upon and there weren’t many sins that she would frown at.

 

Angel stood, his hands clenched into fists at his sides for a moment, before he relaxed them and moved for the door intent on leaving his oldest Childe to the life she had managed to carve out for herself, and never bothering her again.

He didn’t deserve her help, even if she was willing to give it. It would be for the best if he just disappeared… maybe if he disappeared he would eventually find some semblance of peace.

 

God was supposed to be forgiving after all, maybe even enough to forgive a monster like him.

 

With silent steps Angel trudged across the cemetery, his hands buried deeply into the pockets of his leather duster. His long stride easily eating up the distance to the large ornate gates and the street beyond it.

 

He reached it and turned left heading for the old beat down car he had procured for himself for this journey.

Angel was so lost in his brooding misery that he failed to sense the presence that was following him out of curiosity and mistrust.

 

He ignored all those that passed him on the street and those that passed him on the street didn’t give him a second glance; most even went so far as to consciously give him a wide birth. His dishevelled clothes and dirty, ragged clothes making him look shifty.

Inside his pockets his hands clenched into fists as the scent of the blood pumping in the veins of the humans that passed him caught in his nostrils and stoked the embers of lust for blood; blood that he was denying himself in a desperate attempt to appease the guilt that never ceased to gnaw at his insides.

 

He swiftly reached his car, but to his mind it wasn’t quick enough as the desire to turn back and quench his thirst and the last unsuspecting human that had walked by him without so much as second glance. He moved to pull open the rusted burgundy car door, not caring in the slightest if he damaged the door in his hurry to get inside the confined space.

 

“Giving up already?” A familiar female voice spoke from behind him before his fingers could make contact with the metal of the door handle.

Angel froze for a moment in stunned surprise. He slowly turned, not truly believing it until his eyes landed on her as she stood before him with her hands on her hips and an accusing, mistrustful gaze levelled upon him.

“Buffy,” he greeted, his voice a little breathy with a swelling of renewed guilt and shame once again at the sight of her.

 

“Running off with your tail between your legs, Angelus? That isn’t like you,” Buffy observed as she let her hands slip to her sides as she took a couple of cautious steps towards him.

“If-If I’d known it was you, I never would have come. Never would have…” Angel attempted to apologise through his guilt ridden bumbling.

“But you did come, and you did ask,” Buffy spoke over him, her patience wearing thin. She’d been hoping to see him and confirm that he’d been lying to her, but it was the exact opposite. The more she saw the more she was inclined to believe him.

 

“The least you could do is wait for me to make up my mind before deciding to go running off without a word… again,” she accused.

The apology Angel wanted to voice got caught in his throat as Buffy moved closer to him. His brown gaze lightening softly as he stared at her as she looked him over. He flinched slightly as she flaunted her nostrils as she sniffed the air between them.

 

Buffy’s eyes widened as she took in the strange scent that was clinging to Angel’s body and she took a small faltering step back from him, “Your… you weren’t lying. You really do have a soul,” she murmured, her wide hazel eyes turning curious as she continued to regard the vampire she had wished dead many times over the centuries.

“Damn,” she finally spoke again after a moments silence, “I was hoping that you were lying and I could just curse you on your way and not give it a second thought,” she grumbled with a huff as she crossed her arms over her chest.

 

Her curiosity not enough for her to abandon centuries worth of anger and betrayal.

Angel nodded, “No need, I’ll just leave,” Angel hesitated, before speaking again, “I’m-I’m glad that you’re still alive. And I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much, but I am,” he forced himself to say, knowing that it needed saying and that he would never see his oldest Childe again after this moment.

 

He wanted to touch her. To have some kind of human contact before he disappeared like he never was, but he refrained from doing so. Not wanting to risk the rebuff he would likely get from her. With a last look at the one member of the family the demon had created for him that didn’t make him cringe from all the bloodshed and terror they had spread together, Angel turned for his car once again.

“Are you that scared of hearing my answer that you’re determined to leave without hearing it?” Buffy asked, with a somewhat annoyed huff. She hadn’t bargained on chasing him. It was hard enough to swallow the idea of helping him, but having to chase him just to tell him ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ was even more grating on her nerves.

Angel swung back around, once again surprised by the petite blond, “I thought I’d heard it,” he told her in a soft sheepish murmur.

 

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling defensive in the face of giving the tall, dark vampire her answer. Despite smelling his soul on him, she still couldn’t help but feel that she was somehow being played by the intelligent notoriously manipulative vampire.

“I don’t know how much help I can be. I mean, I don’t have a soul,” Angel stared at Buffy with cautiously growing hope, “I’ll try to help you,” she managed to get out with a bit of an effort, the words wanting to stick in her throat with her reluctance.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters mentioned in the cannon.

#  **CHAPTER 3**

 

Angel stared at his eldest Childe in astonished surprise, not having expected her to agree, “Y-You will?” he murmured shocked.

Buffy looked him over with a critical gaze, “Well, if I’m going to be helping you I guess we should start with the basics. You look like you’re in dire need of an essentials care package,” she quipped before turning and heading back the way she had come. She took about ten steps before she realized that her Sire wasn’t following her. Buffy stopped and looked back over her shoulder at him, “Are you coming or are you just gonna stand there gawking?” she quipped again with a raised eyebrow.

 

Angel swallowed and stepped away from his car.

Buffy nodded and began walking again, her steps unhurried as she continued on down the dark streets of the bad part of the town.

Angel easily caught her up with his longer stride, but he stayed a step or two behind her not wanting to crowd her or assume anything by walking beside her. His demon was uncharacteristically silent for the moment, which he was grateful for, but Angel knew that it wouldn’t last long. Whatever had caused its silence would wear off and it would be back with a vengeance tormenting him.

 

“Where are we going?” he finally broke the silence.

“I should have everything you need at my place,” Buffy replied with a small shrug as they turned onto another street. Her stomach feeling jittery and uneasy about having her Sire in her private space, but there was really nowhere else she could take him where she knew that she would have everything the older vampire needed right now… well everything but clean clothes, but that would be easy enough to rectify.

The demon in him stirred slightly and Angel clamped down on it, not wanting it to make things worse for him in that moment, not when he was still outdoors and the sound of human blood was still close by. Close enough to make the back of his throat burn hotly with need.

 

Angel paused and leaned against a brick wall with a groan that was filled with longing and suffering.

Buffy turned around to face him with a small frown, her eyes narrowing on him as she took in his unnecessarily hard breaths, “What’s wrong?” she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest, irritation filling her once again that night. She hadn’t even managed to bring him home yet and already things were looking bad.

Angel grimaced and pounded a closed fist against the solid brick wall he was leaning against, “Please… back roads,” he gasped out, his eyes flashing amber, “I can hear blood… taste it…” his face began to shift against his will.

 

Buffy’s arms dropped to her sides and her mouth gaped open slightly, “Oh man… when did you eat last?” she asked as she moved to him, her hands moving to support him.

“Weeks,” Angel muttered out.

“Are you completely insane?!” Buffy almost shrieked in her surprise.

Angel grimaced again, “Didn’t… didn’t want to hurt anyone,”

“Ok then,” Buffy murmured, “Keep in mind that this going to hurt you more than it does me thanks to your own stupidity,” she said her tone slightly chipper, before cocking back her arm and punching Angel square in the face.

 

Angel let out a pained sound and his face shifted completely back to the handsome features of the human he used to be, surprise written all over his face whilst the demon inside of him snarled and attempted to demand that he retaliate.

“Feeling calmer now?” Buffy asked as she cocked her head slightly to the side as she looked up at him.

Angel grimaced a little once again, “Yes… and no, but I’m not about to go and tear into someone’s throat,”

Buffy nodded, “Good. This way then,” she said her hands once again settled supportively around Angel’s chest and back, “It’ll take longer, but there’ll be less people,” she explained.

 

Angel nodded appreciatively as he accepted Buffy’s support, her small hands on him somehow making the cravings easier to bear.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy threw her keys on the small mostly unused coffee table as Angel shut the door behind him.

He flicked his gaze around the apartment curiously taking in the little knick-knacks, and other small personal touches that were strewn around in a seemingly random fashion, “This place is uh, is nice,” Angel murmured as he stood awkwardly by the door.

Buffy looked back over her shoulder at him whilst she was in the middle of shrugging off the jacket she had donned to go out into the night, “You don’t have to struggle to complement it. I know it’s nothing compared to what you normal prefer, but you know it’s safe,”

 

Buffy placed her jacket over the back of a chair, “Take a seat,” she offered with a gesture to the three seater couch.

“Oh no, I’m fine,” Angel said softly.

Buffy glanced over at him with a raised eyebrow, “We’re going to be here a while. So you might as well get comfortable,” she insisted.

Angel shifted a little uncomfortably as he regarded the couch, before returning his brown gaze to Buffy, “I’ll get it dirty,”

Buffy gave him a look, “It’s a couch. It’ll survive a little dirt. So sit,” she demanded with a more forceful gesture towards the couch.

 

Angel nodded as he crumpled to Buffy’s desire and moved further into the room.

Buffy nodded satisfied that he was doing what she wanted him to as she moved for the kitchen. She could feel her Sire’s gaze on her back as he followed her every move from his position on the couch.

Buffy did her best to ignore his gaze as she opened the fridge and lifted a small innocuous leaver that opened a hidden compartment behind the main mostly empty first layer of the open fridge, revealing the stash of human blood bags she had hidden away in case of an emergency or if she didn’t feel like going out for a hunt.

 

She reached in and snatched up a couple before walking past the small kitchen island to the microwave. She placed one of the blood bags on the round plate and closed the door, tapped in the required amount of time it would take to heat up the bag to human temperature and waited as the microwave whirred to life.

 

Angel’s nose twitched appreciatively as the scent of warming blood reached his nose and his eyes flashed a hungry amber, before he visibly got control of himself, not wanting to embarrass himself a second time tonight with his lack of control over his hunger.

The microwave beeped and Buffy popped open the door and grabbed out the bag of blood. She turned back to Angel and made her way out of the kitchen stopping by a single couch that was opposite him, she threw him the bag and watched with a neutral expression as without preamble Angel tore into the bag with a hungry growl and began guzzling.

 

_I guess I better warm up that second bag._

 

She thought with a small amount of amusement, before turning back to the microwave to zap the second bag she had taken out.

Angel only looked up as he scented another source of warming blood. He finished the bag and tossed it down on the table and waited with badly concealed impatience for the second bag. His amber eyes following her every move. His leg jogging up and down in his impatience for the second bag.

 

The demon in him delighting in its first taste in blood in weeks even if it was bagged and tagged.

The microwave beeped again and it was with eager anticipation that he watched Buffy walk towards him, his attention more focused on the bag in her hands than anything else.

Buffy tossed the bag to him again and watched as his arm snaked out and snatched the bag clean out of the air and in the next instant he had sank his fangs into the bag and was once again greedily gulping at the blood.

 

“As old as you are, you should know better than to go without feeding for weeks on end,” Buffy commented with a light admonishment in her tone as Angel tossed the second bag on top of the other.

Angel flicked his tongue over his lips cleaning up the small amount of blood that clung to them and shifted his face back, “I didn’t want to hurt anyone,”

Buffy gave him a look, “Bullshit,” she stated flatly as she crossed her arms over her chest, “You can’t expect me to believe that in two centuries you haven’t learned to control yourself,” Buffy rested her hands against the back of the couch she was standing behind, “I think you’re afraid that you won’t want to stop,”

 

Angel looked down at his hands and swallowed thickly and mentally cringed as the demon in him laughed.

Buffy shrugged her shoulders and expelled an unnecessary breath, “But we can work up to that. Now that we’ve fed you. We should get you cleaned up,” Buffy decided as she released her couch, “The bathrooms just in there,” she pointed to a closed door before she walked over to another one to pull out a towel.

 

Angel got up from the couch and moved eagerly towards the shower, despite allowing himself to get filthy and bedraggled, he was more than glad at the concept of getting clean.

Buffy pulled out a large fluffy brown towel and walked over to Angel who paused at the bathroom door at sensing her approach.

“Here,” Buffy said as she held the towel out to her Sire, “Take your time,” she murmured as Angel took the towel from her.

Angel nodded at their feet, before glancing back up at her briefly, “Thank you,” he murmured before disappearing inside the bathroom, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

 

Buffy sighed as she regarded the door for a moment longer. It was so odd seeing her Sire so submissive. It wasn’t like him at all. He held his head high and was cocky and arrogant to an extreme.

 

_Angel huh. I guess we’ll see._

 

Buffy thought a little sadly, before she turned away from the door and pulled her cell phone out of her pocket as she paced a few steps away from the bathroom door as she dialled a familiar number before she brought it up to her ear and listened as it dialled out.

 

“Hey Willow,” she greeted softly when her friend picked up, “I need a favour,”

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel stood motionless for long moments under the running water, enjoying the sensation of the hot water warming his cold body. Despite knowing that he probably shouldn’t he couldn’t help snooping through the products that his Childe had arranged throughout the shower. The soft scents she preferred and her brand of shampoo and conditioner.

Angel turned his attention away from Buffy’s bottled products and reached for a softly scented bar of soap.

 

The soft vanilla scent coming from it reminding him of the first night that he had met little Buffy Summers. So innocent and full of life…

 

_Angelus scanned his eyes around the elaborate ballroom he found himself in on that particular night as he pretended to listen to the stuffed peacock that was standing next to him. A peacock that believed himself to be his friend and Angelus didn’t bother to tell him otherwise. It suited him keep the peacocks company, for a while longer at least._

_His gaze flicked with disinterest from one guest to the next until his gaze happened to land on a petite blond as she headed down the stairs, dressed in a beautiful gown of lace and silk. White elbow length gloves covered her hands as she slid a hand down the railing as she descended the many stairs down to the ballroom. Her hazel eyes sparkled with joy as her own gaze swept over the sea of people, searching for someone or someone’s in the crowd._

_“Who’s that?” he finally broke his silence and interrupted the man that seemed to be able to prattle better than most women._

_The young Lord followed Angelus’ gaze to the stairs, “That would be Lady Buffy, eldest and only daughter to Lord Hank and Lady Joyce Summers,” he informed his friend._

_“Not married yet?” Angelus asked as he watched the girl step off the stairs and move with a light step through the crowd with purpose, her skirts swishing about her ankles, evidentially having clamped eyes on who she was looking for._

_“No. She has had a couple of offers though. Her parents are over indulgent and have filled her head with thoughts of love,” the young Lord muttered disdainfully._

_Angelus tore his gaze from the young morsel to give his companion a slightly amused look, “Turn you down did she?”_

_The young Lord huffed and a slight pink tinge coloured his cheeks._

_“Fret not Samuel. All women are fools when it comes to love. Best off you find another,” Angelus continued, in his best compassionate voice. His gaze seeking out the young girl again. His being drawn to her like no other in the glittering ballroom full of eligible women and their marriage hungry moms._

Angel shivered under the hot spray of the water and began lathering himself with the soap a little more viciously in response to the memory and the cruel intention behind the demons interest. It hadn’t taken long at all for him to disengage himself from the young Lord he had been using to gain acquaintances in the town and hence invited to the many balls that were held in the season.

It had taken even less time after that for him to track down Buffy in the large hall…

 

_He moved quietly through the hall, slipping by many of the guests unnoticed in his search for his prey. His keen eyes searching for her slender form in amongst the other guests. It was her dress that he spotted first, the pale pink patterning on the length of the gown giving her position away. A few more steps and he had her completely in his sights as she stood with her back to him as she talked with a couple of women that appeared to be of an age with her._

_His stealth approach was ruined as one of the girls Buffy was talking with gasped at having spotted him approaching, the excitement she felt palpable to him._

_Her friend’s attentions drew Buffy’s and she slowly turned to face him. Her gaze settled on him curiously, her hazel eyes slightly wide in their regard of him as he continued his unhurried approach._

_Angelus effected a respectful bow as was expected of him and in return the three before him curtsied, their heads dipping whilst trying to keep him in their sights. Once they’d straightened he returned his gaze to Buffy._

_“I was wondering Ms Summers if you would do me the honour of dancing the next with me?” he asked as he extended a hand out to her._

_The girl blushed prettily and stood as if surprised for a long moment, so long that one of her friend nudged her impatiently from behind, “Oh, uh, yes,” she murmured a little breathlessly causing the heat in her cheeks to rise a little further in embarrassment at her less than eloquent answer._

_Still she placed a slender hand in his and allowed him to lead her towards the dance floor where other couple where already taking their positions on the cleared space for dancing. The music started and immediately he began turning them about the room barely giving buffy time to arrange her hands properly, “I hear you won’t marry unless it’s for love,” he commented._

_Buffy glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow, “So the rumours have started already, how droll,” she replied dryly._

_“Are you fishing Ser? If you are you’re doing a very clumsy job at it,” she quipped._

_Angelus shrugged as he spun her about in a neat circle before bringing her back against him, holding her closer than before, “I can’t seem to help myself. You’ve set me all a flutter, my lady,”_

_Buffy flushed darkly as they continued to dance together, her hands tightening about him slightly in her embarrassment, “Aren’t you holding me a bit close? People are staring,”_

_“Let them,” Angelus replied defiantly, “Their all foppish, prancing little dandies anyway,”_

_“Are you saying you’re not?” Buffy teased a little as she met his gaze a little challengingly and gasped softly as he dared to press her even closer to him._

_“I’m many things Ms Summers, but a dandy I am not,” Angelus murmured and watched as the heat in her cheeks grew darker._

Angel expelled a shaky breath as he moved the wet soapy cloth over his chest removing the dirt that was caked there. His manhood twitching to life against his will as he recalled just what had happened next.

It hadn’t taken long for his silver tongue to gently coerce her into slipping away to a hidden alcove in the mansion, not too far from the eloquent ballroom.

 

_Buffy’s soft little moans filled his ears as he kissed and nipped at the exposed flesh of her neck, his hands holding her curled blond locks out of his way as he sensually attacked her neck dulling her senses to only him and the feelings he was inspiring inside her feelings that she had never experienced before by her reactions to him._

_“Oh, Angelus,” she murmured a little uncomfortably as her hands fluttered over him unsure of where she should settle them, “What are you doing to me?” she gasped as he sucked at her pulse point inspiring a slightly louder moan to slip from her parted lips._

_Angelus raised his head from his ministrations, a cocky smirk curling up his lips, “You have to be quiet Darlin’ or we’ll have curious eyes prying,” he teased before he lowered his head once again this time focusing his attention on the cleavage her dress was propping up and putting on display for him._

_In response her hands slid into his hair as she threw her head back in ecstasy, “Oh, this is so wrong,” she bemoaned but made no attempt to shove him away as he paid attention to the heaving mounds._

_The sound of her pounding heartbeat loud in her ears._

_Angelus smirked against the luscious flesh of her breasts as he slid his hands down her body and stepped closer to her urging her body to open more to him, her legs shifting to accommodate him._

_We’re only just beginning Kitten._

_He thought deviously as he began lifting her skirts so that he could slip a hand beneath the heavy layers._

_Buffy inhaled sharply as she felt his fingers against her needy flesh, fingers that danced through the building moisture there spreading it as he teased the hidden folds of her femininity and her hips bucked against him in response, “Oh… Angelus this is… this is…” she stuttered as she struggled to suck in air as she wiggled against him unsure of what she was supposed to do, if these sensations where even normal._

_Angelus lifted his head and made a soft shushing noise as he thrust his own hips, pressing his hardening desire against her belly earning another surprised inhalation._

_The moment was ruined however as the girl’s name was called and she stiffened in his arms and moved to pull away from him. It was with great reluctance that he let her. She gave him a wide eyed look as she tried to right her dishevelled appearance before she fled towards the calling voices._

_Angelus looked after her for a moment, before he lowered his gaze to his hand that was covered with Buffy’s juices. He raised his hand to his lips and sucked them clean, his eyes closing momentarily at tasting her innocence there._

_Opening them he took out a handkerchief and dried his fingers before leaving the alcove himself._

_We’re not done Buffy Summers. You belong to me now._

 

Angel cringed slightly ashamed of how hard the memory had made him, despite the dark intent his demon had had for the young innocent girl that Buffy had been. His demon - he hadn’t allowed her to keep it for much longer. He’d been relentless in his pursuit of her and she hadn’t known enough to even attempt to resist his charms.

 

Angel shook his head and forced his mind from the memory not wanting to relive anymore of it and he disregarded the now dirty cloth and reached for the shampoo that was available wanting to get completely clean now that he had the opportunity…

And he couldn’t help but want to look as good as he possibly could in the state he was in for his Childe in the main apartment of her home. A desire which had the demon rolling his eyes at him, knowing in all smugness that even in the pathetic state he was in he could still seduce the girl. Such a sensitive body…

 

Angel shook his head again and forcibly ignored the all too smug voice of his demon, not wanting to encourage it with a response.

 

_I just want her help. That’s all… It’s not like she would ever look at me like that anyway._

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy moved towards the door the moment a soft knock sounded at it. She pulled it open with no small amount of relief at seeing her red headed friend in her doorway,

“I hope I got everything you needed,” Willow murmured as she held up the large bulging plastic bag she was carrying between them.

Buffy smiled gratefully, “Thanks so much for doing this, I know your busy with classes. I owe you big time,”

“I was happy to. It was fun picking out clothes,” Willow said agreeably.

Buffy’s face fell slightly, “How many did you get?” she asked as she suddenly eyed the bag.

 

“Only two, plus a jacket that was going out on special,” Willow admitted with a shrug.

Buffy accepted the bag from Willow and set it down by her handbag, before digging out her purse whilst Willow looked about the apartment with hopeful eyes. The sound of the shower running making her believe that the vampire she was looking for was under the shower.

Buffy straightened back up and pulled out a few green bills from it, “Here, this should cover the costs,” she murmured as she held the bills out to Willow.

“Oh thanks,” Willow muttered distractedly, before returning her gaze to Buffy, “Uh, could I… do you mind… could I meet him?” she stuttered the hopeful question in a hushed tone.

 

Buffy took a breath and glanced towards the bathroom, “You can,” she finally agreed with a great deal of reluctance and returned her gaze to her friend, “But not tonight. He’s a bit unstable from starvation,”

“Oh!” Willow exclaimed with wide eyes, “So you think he might ‘grrr!’” she bared her teeth as if she had fangs.

“It’s possible,” Buffy admitted.

“But he’s definitely…” Willow trailed off not sure how to put it.

Buffy sighed but nodded, “Yes, he’s definitely all soulful. The scent of it is all over him,” she muttered just as she heard the shower turn off, “You should go. Thanks again for these Wills,”

 

Willow nodded, “Just remember that you promised that I could meet him,”

“I won’t,” Buffy assured her, “Now go on before you’re late for your class tonight,” she urged.

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” Willow murmured with a last hopeful glance towards the bathroom door hoping that she might just catch a glimpse of the vampire that had made it possible for her to meet her friend, “I’ll talk to you later?”

Buffy nodded, “Of course,”

 

Buffy finally shut the door after her friends departing figure and picked up the plastic bag full of clothes Willow had brought over. She made her way over to the closed bathroom door and knocked, “Angel?” she called through the door.

“Yes?” his voice came from behind the door.

“I’ve got some fresh clothes for you?” she explained and a moment later the bathroom door opened wide enough for the bag to be slipped through.

“Thank you,” Angel murmured as he reached an arm through the open door.

 

Buffy allowed him to take the bag, her eyes travelling down his wet naked chest without her permission and to her relief she found that he had wrapped the towel about his waist as her eyes continued all the way down, before shooting back up to his face as she realized that she had effectively given him a once over.

She released the bag and took a step back, “Your welcome,” she mumbled.

Angel nodded and shut the door on her again.

 

Buffy tapped a hand against her thigh and took a breath, “Now I need some blood,” she muttered and stalked over to the fridge to grab herself one of the bags in her fridge.

 

_What was that?_ She thought agitatedly. _That is your scumbag Sire! You don’t ogle the guy that abandoned you to die. I don’t care how nicely shaped he is!_ She scolded herself as she threw the bag in the microwave. Her fingers flew over the buttons and the machine whirled to life once again.

Her keen ears heard him moving about softly in the bathroom as he set about getting dressed in the clothes Willow had provided. She grabbed down a tall clean glass and set it on the bench just as the microwave beeped at her.

 

She took the bag out of the microwave and shifted her face into the hard ridges of the demon and bit a small opening in the bag and poured the warm contents into the glass.  She threw the now empty bag in a nearby bin and curved her hand around the glass. She turned and brought the glass up to her lips and took her first swallow when the bathroom door opened and Angel stepped back out into the main apartment dressed in a set of the clean clothes Willow had brought over for him.

 

Buffy took a large gulp of her drink polishing it off, “I’ll get you another one,” she muttered as she moved towards the fridge once again.

“Oh, there’s no need,” Angel murmured self-consciously.

Buffy shot him a look as she pulled out another bag, “You have been starving yourself for weeks so your opinion on the matter means nothing and you’ll take what I offer,” she stated flatly as she set the bag in the microwave to be heated.

 

Angel ducked his head and had to fumble to catch the heated bag of blood when she threw it at him from across the room. He sank his fangs into with more decorum this time round and drank in a more leisurely fashion.

He froze for a brief moment as he sensed Buffy approach, his eyes closing slightly as he felt her hands gently touch his hair.

“You really haven’t been looking after yourself have you?” Buffy murmured as she took in the tortured strands of recently washed hair.

Angel released the half-eaten bag from between his lips to answer, “My hair hasn’t been the most important thing on my mind,”

 

“Neither has hygiene from the state of you earlier,” Buffy muttered.

“No, it hasn’t. After all the things I’ve done how can I possibly care about such insignificant things?” Angel murmured morosely.

Buffy dropped her hands from his hair, “Well that’s something that is going to change from like right now,” she stated firmly as she moved away from him heading towards the bathroom.

Angel finished the last of the blood in the bag and frowned slightly as he heard the sound of scissors being open and shut.

 

He turned in his seat and eyed the scissors that Buffy had her slender fingers curved around, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to clean up the mess you’ve made of your hair. Don’t worry, I’m actually kinda good at this,” she told him.

Angel sighed and turned back around again, his shoulders hunched, “How is this supposed to help me?” he asked as he felt Buffy’s hands on his head again. A feeling that was swiftly followed by the sound of the scissors and the feeling of his matted hair falling away.

 

“Looking after yourself and paying attention to your personal grooming is centred in loving one’s self,” Buffy responded with a shrug as she sniped away another bit of dark hair, “And thinking better of yourself is going to help,” she said firmly.

Angel swallowed as Buffy shifted around him to reach the hair that hung closer to his face, “You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” he murmured softly.

Buffy’s body stiffened minutely and she gave Angel a sharp look before snipping off another raggedy lock.

 

_How very astute of you._

 

She thought bitterly, before replying, “It’s something I’ve learned over the years,” she muttered flatly and sniped with the scissors again, “There,” she said with more satisfaction, “A little hair gel and you’ll look like a part of this century,”

Angel gave her a look, “You’re putting in gel as well?” he asked a little dubiously.

“Well not tonight. It’s not like I keep men’s hair gel on hand,” Buffy replied with a shrug, “We can get you some next time we’re in town,” she murmured as she set the scissors down on the coffee table and took a seat across from Angel as he ran a hand experimentally through his newly trimmed locks, deciding to ignore for now the hair on the floor.

 

The two sat in silence for a long moment before Angel broke it, his curiosity getting the better of his reservations over asking the simple question, “What have you been doing since…” he trailed off as he pondered how to put it.

“Since you abandoned me?” Buffy finished curtly.

Angel looked down at his lap and fiddled with his thumbs guiltily.

Buffy sighed deeply and shifted in her seat, “Are you really asking?” she asked. Her voice a little strained with her reservations.

Angel looked up from his lap and met her gaze, “I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t,” he said firmly. He wanted to know, whether it was for self-flagellation or simply to hear that she had managed to have a better life without him in it, he couldn’t say, but he wanted… needed to hear how she had lived.

 

Buffy remained silent for a long moment, so long that Angel fear that she would decide not to tell him. Buffy chewed on her lower lip for a moment as she deliberately avoided his gaze as she continued to ponder whether she would tell him or not.

“I think that is a story that can wait for another time,” she finally spoke and got up from where she was sitting.

 

_She doesn’t completely believe me._ Angel realized solemnly as he watched Buffy walk across the apartment and walk to a door and opened it.

“This is where I sleep,” Buffy began only to trail off as a greyish ball of fur shot out the opened door and meowed up at her reproachfully as she rubbed herself against Buffy’s legs. Immediately she squatted down and began petting her pet, “I’m so sorry Ms Kitty, I didn’t mean to lock you in there. I hope you’re not too angry with me. I don’t want any nasty surprises,” Buffy scratched Ms Kitty’s chin earning a loving purr, “Come on I’ll feed you,” she murmured only for Ms Kitty to take note of their guest and trot over to him.

 

Buffy frowned as she stood and crossed her arms over her chest as she watched her cat size Angel up, before jumping up on her surprised Sire’s lap.

_Traitor!_ She couldn’t help but think whilst Angel sat awkwardly as her strange cat settled herself.

“Uh, Buffy,” Angel said helplessly unsure of what to do with the strange animal that seemed to not understand the danger it was in by being so close to a vampire.

Buffy huffed out a soft breath as she continued to eye her cat, “Just give her a pat,” she told him as she moved to get the promised food.

 

Angel carefully petted the strange animal’s head and felt a strange little smile curl up his lips as the small animal bumped her head against the palm of his hand and purred enthusiastically as he stroked his hand over the soft warm fur.

He crinkled his nose as the strong smell of the cat food reached his nose. Ms Kitty however raised her head in interest and quickly ran over with a happy serious of meow’s.

“No, Ms Kitty! You have to wait until the food is in the bowl before you eat it,” Buffy chided as Ms Kitty once again put her head in the way of the bowl.

 

Buffy straightened and disposed of the now empty tin. She turned her gaze back to Angel who had been watching the interaction with interest.

“She is a strange animal,” he commented lightly.

Buffy nodded, “So I tell her more often than not,” she murmured with an affectionate look at her pet, before she cleared her throat and moved back towards the still open door that led down to her sleeping quarters, “I’ll set out some blankets and a pillow and things. It won’t be the most comfortable but it’ll still be better than a crypt I suppose,”

 

Angel nodded, “Yes thank you,” he murmured softly.

Buffy returned the nod and the two fell into an awkward silence, before Buffy moved for her small linen closet, “I’ll get that set up now,” she muttered and soon disappeared down into the basement to set up a space for her unexpected guest to sleep in the same secured safety as she herself did.

 

Angel sat awkwardly for a moment before he to stood and began about cleaning up the hair on the floor to give himself something to do other than sit in silence, occupied only by his tormented thoughts.

 

Buffy sighed quietly to herself as she spread out the blankets across the concrete floor. _I’m already beginning to think that this was a mistake. I should have just let him rot… but then could I have lived with that… and Ms Kitty… Ms Kitty doesn’t seem to mind him either…_


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters mentioned in the cannon.

**CHAPTER 4**

 

Buffy lay awake in the darkness of her room. The day was waning on and still she couldn’t get even a wink of sleep, not even Ms Kitty’s warm purring furry body curled up beside her could help lull her to sleep.

With Angelus or rather Angel as he now chose to call himself, asleep on the floor beside her bed. She couldn’t stop being aware of his presence.

 

He’d topped all movement a while ago, leading her to believe that he’d slipped into the peace of sleep, but she couldn’t be sure without checking and she didn’t want to in case like her sleep was eluding him.

Buffy scratched behind Ms Kitty’s ears as a sigh escaped her. Sleepless days were becoming a habit for her. It wasn’t one that she appreciated. It gave her too much time to think and at the moment she didn’t want to have to think about the vampire that was lying not two feet from her.

 

Buffy rolled onto her side facing away from where Angel was laying.

 

_Damn it go to sleep!_

 

She told herself with a frown.

Her restless movement earned a reproachful meow from Ms Kitty. Buffy scratched Ms Kitty under the chin in apology and the warm ball of grey fur quickly settled back down in to a ball of purring fur beside her.

Buffy kept her eyes closed and her unnecessary breathes even as she continued to try and find escape from her concerns in the calm bliss that was sleep.

A whimper sounded in the room and Buffy frowned and her eyes opened a little reluctantly knowing that the sound hadn’t come from the cat whom was still happily purring.

 

Buffy rolled onto her back once again, before cautiously rolling to the other side of the bed and peeked over the edge of the mattress. Her hazel gaze easily piercing the darkness to see Angel with his bare back to her, his body twitching as another whimper than anther escaped his lips.

Buffy’s expression turned pinched with a faint display of concern for her Sire despite her misgivings.

 

_Angel?_

 

She thought as she slipped from her bed and moved to squat down beside him, her hand reaching for his broad shoulder, “Angel,” she called softly and cautiously shook his shoulder, “Angel!” she called again, this time louder.

Angel gasped as he came awake from the memory he’d been reliving in his dream. The small hand on his shoulder drawing his gaze to the vampiress that was hovering over him, “Buffy?” he murmured a little confused, fragments of the dream still clinging to him for a brief moment, “I’m sorry did I wake you?” he asked guiltily and sat up a little as Buffy leaned back.

 

“No,” Buffy admitted, “I was awake,” she stood and moved towards her wardrobe to pull on her robe, “Do you have nightmares often?”

“Not so much nightmares as the demon taunting me with what I’d rather forget,” Angel ran a hand through his hair, “And there’s a lot I’d like to forget,” he murmured with a guilty frown.

Buffy remained silent for a long moment, finding herself disconcerted once again by how vulnerable he looked once again. She tightened the sash of her robe before stepping away from the wardrobe, “Right well put your shirt on then and come on upstairs,” she ordered figuring that neither of them would be getting sleep for the rest of the day.

 

Angel glanced towards the stairs, “I thought you slept down here because it wasn’t safe up there during the day,” he murmured even as he reached for the shirt he’d discarded.

“Oh no. it’s safe enough, all indirect sunlight only. I just feel more secure down here. There’s no blind someone can come along and open whilst you’re asleep,” Buffy said with a shiver, but a small found curled up her lips at the memory.

Angel frowned and the demon stirred slightly at her statement, “Someone did that to you?” he asked softly.

Buffy blinked, “Uh sort of…” she cleared her throat, “I may tell you about it one day but for now,” she murmured before her voice turned more business like, “Let’s get some more blood into you,”

 

“I’m not hungry, really,” Angel murmured as he pulled on his shirt.

Buffy shot him a look, “You starved yourself to the point of massacring all those around you. If you want to leave this apartment tonight you’ll drink as much blood as I tell you to, got it?” When Angel nodded his assent Buffy nodded satisfied and began making her way up the stairs.

Angel swallowed as he watched Buffy walk up the stairs, the demon in him shifting inside him both put out and enthralled by her tone. Angel forcibly shoved down the demon as he got up and trailed after Buffy. The sound of the microwave whirling to life reached his keen ears before he was halfway up the stairs.

He looked down as he heard a happy meow and the strange grey fur bur ball Buffy called Ms Kitty streaked past him and up into the main apartment and a moment later he heard Buffy speak in much warmer tones.

 

“Given up on sleep to Ms Kitty,” she murmured.

Angel continued up the stairs and entered the living space a little cautiously, his gaze going to Buffy as she stood with her back to him. The scent of blood made his nose twitch and his throat began to burn hungrily.

Buffy turned to face Angel a glass of blood in hand, “Here,” she spoke as she walked over to him, “I thought you might find this more civilized,” she explained as she held the glass out to him.

“Thanks,” Angel murmured a little sheepishly as he accepted the warm glass from her.

 

Buffy took a step back from him and nodded in response to his gratitude, “Tonight we’ll go out and get you some necessities. And restock the blood,” she listed off breaking the silence between them.

Angel lowered the glass from his lips, “And how much blood am I to drink before you’ll let me out?”

Buffy cocked her head at him slightly in thought, “Well that depends,” she paused, “Do you think you’ll attack some poor stranger that’ll pass by you down the street?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

Angel looked down at the half full cup as he contemplated the question seriously, “No,” he finally answered, “I’ll be able to control myself,” he assured her.

“Then I guess I won’t force anymore on you yet,” Buffy replied and stepped away from him further. Her hazel gaze flicking around the as she wondered what she could do now; aware of his dark gaze on her.

“Do you often have sleepless days?” Angel asked causing Buffy to turn back to him.

“Increasingly –recently,” she replied with a small shrug before bending to pick up Ms Kitty, “I don’t know why you’re not sleeping though,” she murmured to the cat, “You normally do all you can to ignore me on days I’m restless,” to which Ms Kitty meowed as she settled in Buffy’s arms.

 

Angel watched with solemn eyes as Buffy sat and settled the cat on her lap, her hands stroking over the soft fur as she ignored his gaze. He finished his glass of blood in silence before giving into the urge to ask again, “What was your life like after I left?”

Buffy’s head shot up and she gave him a look. A look that eased considerably as she processed the uncomfortable guilty look on his face and she sighed, “You really od wanna know don’t you?” she muttered, her voice soft enough to make Angel think she was talking to herself and so he remained silent and waited hopeful that she would at least tell him something this time.

 

Silence reigned between them for a long moment until Buffy picked Ms Kitty up from her and set her on the floor and brushed some fur from her clothes, “I have to go have a shower,” she muttered under her breath as she got up and headed for the bathroom. Her back stiff with confusion.

Angel hesitated a moment before daring to call after her again, “I understand that you don’t want to talk to me about it,” he said and Buffy stopped midstride her head cocking slightly to indicate that she was listening, “But could you tell me,” he swallowed thickly, “Was your life better without me?” the question almost sticking in his throat.

 

Buffy slowly turned back to face him, a hand smoothing over her hair as she worried her lower lip as she considered her answer, “I can’t say if it was better,” she finally spoke, her eyes moving to meet Angel’s, “But I was able to become me and not what Angelus wanted me to be and – I became happy… eventually,” she informed him in a soft voice.

Buffy moved to continue on her way only to pause again and turn back to him, “And if you really wish to know – I’ll tell you just not now,” she murmured before walking over to the bathroom and disappeared inside it.

Angel let out a long sighing breath his eyes closing as he absorbed her words and found himself a little comforted by them.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy glanced over at Angel as a group of high school girls passed them on the street, each of them looking at her Sire appreciatively before giggling and hurrying on down the street, “You alright?” she asked quietly.

Angel nodded, but quickened his pace slightly to put more distance between himself and temptation, “How much longer until we get where we’re going?” he asked.

“It’s just around the corner,” Buffy replied, “Sunnydale doesn’t have all that big a shopping distract,” she murmured as they walked into the clothes shop that catered specifically to men.

 

Almost immediately a male employee walked up to them with a bright smile that was worn about the edges.

“Welcome can I help you with anything in particular tonight?” he asked politely.

Buffy nodded and flashed him a friendly smile, “Yes, my uh – friend here needs a few new sets of clothes,”

“Uh, Buffy,” Angel said uncertainly.

“Don’t worry. You go with the nice man and I’ll be over here – just uh call me if you want my opinion,” she told him and gave him a look that she hoped conveyed that she’d be keeping an eye on him.

 

Angel held Buffy’s gaze for a long moment, before nodding with obvious reluctance, his desire for blood already tickling his throat fuelled by the strong rhythmic beat of the man’s human heart and egged on by the taunting voice of the demon.

“Don’t worry sir. I’ll take good care of you. I’ve been at this for many years,” the employee assured, misunderstanding Angel’s concerned look.

Buffy had to smother a small laugh as the two began walking towards the clothes the male employee already chattering about what her Sire might like to wear. She took a deep breath before she moved for the couch she had told Angel she’d be keeping an eye on him from.

Buffy sat on the cushioned couch, her eyes and senses trained on Angel as he vanished into the racks of clothes.

 

The steady murmur of their voices reaching her keen ears.

_Hmm perhaps I should have brought a book._

She thought as she settled against the couch.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel closed his eyes as the overly helpful man finally left him in peace for a moment inside the small box that was line by mirrors he couldn’t see himself in.

His throat was burning in hunger, in most part thanks to the voice of the demon that was now eager to sink fangs into a warm throat and feel the hot thick blood rushing into his mouth…

Angel clenched his hands into fists at his sides and let out a slow breath to calm himself.

A knock on the door made him jump.

 

His eyes flashed amber and his fangs began to descend as the desire to rip open the door and tear into the man’s throat and taste his blood rich in his throat threatened to consume him.

“How’s it going in there sir?” he asked.

Angel remained silent as he attempted to battle the hunger and scary taunting desire to feed and kill the man.

“Would you like me to get your lady friend?” the man asked upon receiving no answer from inside. He was about to open the door when is customer finally spoke.

“Yes!” Angel gritted out, “And be quick about it!” he demanded. His hands clenched and unclenched in a rhythmic pattern, bit his clenched jaw relaxed as he heard the man walk away.

 

_God, I’m so weak! Buffy – help._

 

He thought as he felt his control slipping a little further at his demon’s pressuring and mocking taunts.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy stood as the employee came towards her, “What is it?” she asked, her body relaxing at seeing no fear in the man’s eyes.

“Your boyfriend would like your opinion,” he replied.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Buffy replied as she swept by him and swiftly made her way to the fitting rooms. Her senses telling her exactly which room he was in, “Angel?” she called softly as she opened the door to peer in on her Sire who was now shaking with the effort, “Oh boy,” she muttered.

 

“I’m sorry,” Angel apologised as he slumped against the far wall of the room, “He won’t leave me alone,” he gasped out.

Buffy stared at him with sympathy for a moment, “It’s alright,” she murmured. It may have been a long time ago but she could still remember what Angelus had been like. Seductive, manipulative, obsessive and persistent – until he decided that you weren’t worth his time.

“I’m 245 years old. I should be able to control it. ‘It’ can control it,” Angel grunted as he panted from his effort.

Buffy approached him a little cautiously, “He’s had centuries to learn how,” she attempted to sooth.

 

Only for Angel to shake his head, “I know – I remember everything he’s – I’ve done,” he said guiltily.

Buffy took an unnecessary breath, “But Angelus didn’t have someone taunting him – he didn’t care,”

Angel nodded, “You have no idea what it’s like to have done the things I’ve done and care,” he said softly his expression racked with guilt.

After a moment’s hesitation Buffy reached out and took his hand in hers and pulled him away from the wall drawing his gaze to her, “Gather the clothes and I’ll go pay for them then we’ll get you some blood and go home, ok?” she half stated, half asked.

Angel swallowed thickly as he skirted his gaze away from her in embarrassment, “Buffy, I – I don’t think I’d have the self-control to stop right now,” he admitted.

 

“That’s alright. I don’t think you can murder blood bags – remember I said I’d buy more tonight,” she gave his hand a small squeeze and let it go, “Take your time. I’m going to go pay for your new clothes,” she told him, her tone soft and calming.

“I haven’t even tried them on yet,” he responded, not wanting to be left alone with his demon again just yet.

Buffy shrugged, “If they don’t fit or you don’t like them I’ll return them,” she murmured before strolling out of the room and towards the helpful employee who was hovering a little anxiously, “We’ll take the lot,” Buffy informed him making him beam.

“Excellent,”

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy stood with Angel in the darkness outside the town’s hospital. The Emergency sign glowing ominously in the darkness.

“So you steal the blood?” Angel asked as he shifted his gaze from the hospital to his eldest Childe.

“No, I have a contact that I buy it off,” Buffy responded. Her phone ‘dinged’ with her message tone and she looked down at the device, her fingers swiftly moving over the buttons to open it, “And he’s on his way now,” she announced as she read the text.

 

Angel turned his gaze away from the hospital again to pin Buffy with a look, “He?”

“Yeah the intern that sells me blood bags,” she responded with a shrug. Her keen eyes seeing the door open and her contact walk out, “Wait here,” she instructed, “I’ll be back in a moment,”

Angel crossed his arms as he watched his Childe walk towards the young man. A strange feeling stirring in him that had him gritting his teeth in agitation.

The feeling grew worse as they moved off together into the shadows like rendezvousing lovers…

 

_Get a grip!_

 

Angel ordered himself, but still he watched like a hawk as the two interacted, maybe it was his intensity or some residual possessiveness of his own but to Angel’s surprise the demon also stirred for a brief moment.

He forgot all about it as the unfamiliar sensation rose up in him as the boy touched Buffy’s arm and a desire to attack the man that had nothing to do with bloodlust raged through him. It was only the briefness of the touch that saved the interns life, but still his entire body remained tensed until Buffy started back towards him a cooler in hand and the intern made his way back into the building.

 

“All done,” Buffy greeted him, “Do you want one now or can you wait until we get home?” she asked as she gave him a searching look.

One that made Angel have to glance away from her at its piercing intensity, fearful that she would see just what kind of weak man he was. He cleared his throat, “So you and that guy – does he like you or something?” he asked, in the most casual manner he could manage.

“No,” Buffy replied, before her expression turned thoughtful, “Well maybe – but not in the way your meaning. He wants me to turn him,” she admitted and gave him a slightly surprised look as he took the cooler from her loose grasp as they began walking.

 

Angel felt his jaw clenching as the feeling touched him again. A feeling that could almost be called possessiveness but had a bittered sting to it, “And will you?”

Buffy let out a very unlady like sound of denial,” No. I haven’t turned anyone and I don’t feel any particular need to start now,” she said firmly a small frown darkening her brow, “When it’s time for me to move on I’ll just thrall him into forgetting all about me, maybe even vampires. He’s got a romance novel view of vampires. He thinks it’ll find him romance and that women will flock to him,” Buffy shook her head, “Idiot,” she muttered for the moment unaware of the look Angel was giving her.

 

“Never. Didn’t you get lonely?” he asked drawing Buffy’s gaze back to him.

She shrugged a little self-consciously, “Off and on,” she admitted, “What? It wasn’t like I was alone the entire time,” she said in response to the look he gave her.

“I’m – I’m glad to hear it,” Angel murmured sincerely as they turned down an alley that would take them through back roads to Buffy’s apartment.

Buffy glanced over at him, a slightly confused expression on her face as she regarded her Sire. This whole business of a soul had her confused, but one thing that was becoming clearer to her was that the soul was not the demon, something that set her mind a little more at ease with him.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy dried her hands of the warm soapy water she’d used to wash the few dishes that had been used. She could still hear Angel under the shower as she moved to dry them. The sound of her cell phone ringing diverted her attention as she dropped the tea towel onto the pristine bench.

She moved across the room to pick up, answering it with a practised motion she spoke into the device.

“Hello,” her eyes widened as her friends’ frantic teary voice spoke on the other end.

“Willow – what happened?” she asked in concern, “Willow, I can’t understand you,” Buffy told the frantic Wiccan.

 

“Can you come over?”

Buffy finally managed to make something out, “Oh,” she hesitated as she glanced over at Angel, who’d just come out of the bathroom and was doing up the final buttons of his shirt.

“Please Buffy. I need you,” Willow plead through the phone.

Angel heard the girl’s pleas and let out a breath, “I should be fine if you want to go,” Buffy gave him a look, “I’ve got blood I’ll be fine,” he said with a small frown.

Buffy mouthed a ‘thank you’ before speaking into the phone again, “I’ll be right over Will,” a moment later she hung up her phone and turned to Angel, “Uh, glasses are in that cupboard there,” she pointed, “Do you know how to work a microwave/”

Angel glanced over at the machine, “I’ll work it out,” he assured her.

 

Buffy nodded, “Ok, I’ll be back,” she promised before she turned and hurried out the door without a backwards glance.

When the door closed behind her, Angel let out a sighing breath and looked around the apartment. A sudden urge to snoop coming over him.

Angel shook his head as much a she wanted to, he knew it would be wrong and a violation of trust.

 

“Blood,” he decided out loud as he moved into the kitchen. Blood would distract him from the urge, on that the demon was all too happy to exploit with tantalizing images of what he might find.

‘I’m not going to do it,’ Angel told his demon.

 **‘Your loss,’** the demon said in response.

 ‘Why do you even care?’ Angel asked only for his demon to be silent.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy came to a stop outside Willow’s house, seeing a light on in an upper story. She moved towards the house and with a stealthy grace she climbed up the wall. She reached the balcony and swung herself onto it.

Buffy peered into the window to see Willow huddled on her bed a solemn look on her face as she hugged her knees and stared dejectedly at the wall opposite, tears wetting her cheeks.

Buffy knocked on the window drawing the red heads gaze.

 

Upon seeing her Willow immediately got up and allowed Buffy inside.

Buffy slipped inside and immediately turned to her friend, “What’s happened?” she asked with concern. She’d never seen the red head cry before.

Willow walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge of it, “My parents died,”

 

_Oh God._

Buffy thought as she sat down beside Willow and wrapped an arm around her slim shoulders, “I’m so sorry Wills,”

Willow leaned against Buffy’s side, “The police told me that it was a car accident just outside of town,” she murmured as she wiped at her eyes and cheeks, “Apparently they died instantly,”

Buffy rubbed her hand up and down Willow’s arm, remaining silent as she offered what little comfort she could to her distraught friend.

“I didn’t even know they were coming back to town. I don’t even know why. We hadn’t spoken in months and the last time we did we fought over Oz. My folks didn’t approve, thought that a musician was to flaky,”

 

“Maybe – they were coming back to mend bridges,” Buffy suggested quietly.

Willow sniffled, “Unlikely – more like they were here for a business meeting or something,” she sighed heavily, “It’s nice to think so though. No matter how unlikely,” she muttered.

Buffy shifted slightly, “You get all comfy in bed and I’ll bring you a cup of hot chocolate,” she offered.

Willow nodded and got up a little unsteadily.

Buffy helped Willow get settled sitting up against the head board the covers covering her legs, “I’ll be back in a minute,”

 

Willow watched as her friend walked out of the room. Her fingers fiddled with the covers, twisting it and untwisting the cloth in an attempt to distract herself from the pain in her heart. She was surprised by the amount of pain she felt at their loss. She’d never had the best relationship with her parents, but she’d never wanted them dead – never even thought about them being gone. Willow wrapped her arms about herself before having to wipe at her cheeks with the blanket.

 

“One hot chocolate extra chocolate-y coming up,” Buffy said as she walked back into the bedroom.

“You even remembered the marshmallows,” Willow sniffled as she attempted to smile.

“They were kinda hard to miss right next to the hot chocolate powder,” Buffy murmured as she handed Willow the mug and scooted up onto the bed next to her.

Willow took a sip and let out an appreciative sound, “You’ve gotten good at this,”

“I enjoy a good hot chocolate as much as the next girl,” Buffy replied with a smile.

“I’ve been a good influence on you,” Willow said with a small smile of her won. A comfortable silence came over them as Willow drank her hot chocolate and Buffy sat with her in silent support.

 

Willow set the mug aside on her bedside table and gave Buffy a look, “Buffy, you know how you love me and I’m all sad and mopey,” she said a little cautiously.

“Yeah,” Buffy responded with a slightly raised brow.

“Could you take me to meet your Sire tomorrow, ‘cause that’d really cheer me up,” Willow enquired hopefully.

Buffy sighed as she thought about it, “Fine,” she finally agreed with only a small amount of reluctance, “But it’ll have to be after your night classes not before,” Willow nodded eagerly.

Buffy bit her lower lip as she took in Willow’s tear stained but excited face – all the things that could go wrong plaguing her.

 

_I’ll be there at least._

 

She silently comforted herself. There was no way she could say not to Willow’s sad face and it seemed Willow had figured that out…

 

“Oh and can I borrow a jar of Oz’s hair gel? I need some for Angel,” Buffy asked.

“Sure you can have the jar he felt behind. He won’t be back from tour for a month or so anyway,” Willow murmured.

“Thanks,” Buffy murmured gratefully.

Willow shook her head, “Don’t mention it. I should be the one thanking you I know how antsy you are about your Sire,” Willow moved away from the head board, “Watch a movie with me?”

“Sure,” Buffy responded and immediately got comfortable under the covers whilst Willow put on the movie she had in mind.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters mentioned in the cannon

**CHAPTER 5**

 

Buffy let herself into her apartment with a soft sigh. Her eyes immediately landing on Angel as he sat in one of her couches in the living area Miss Kitty lying curled up in his lap purring as his hands stroked gently over her grey fur.

Their eyes met, Angel’s attention having been diverted from the strangely affectionate animal to his eldest Childe the moment she’d opened the door.

Miss Kitty lifted her head from where it had been resting on Angel’s knee, her eyes landing on Buffy and in a swift movement she stood and bounded off Angel’s lap to run over to her with a series of meows that could have been a mixture of happy and accusing all at once.

 

Buffy smiled down at her cat as she bent to stroke her fur, “Yeah, you know who feeds you,” she murmured with a little chuckle as Miss Kitty wove her way between and around her legs.

Angel stood a little awkwardly as he watched the two interact. The joy on Buffy’s face in regards to the animal obvious to him.

He swallowed and looked down at his bare feet for a moment when Buffy moved to stand, not wanting to be caught staring, “So uh,” he began a little self-consciously as he braved looking up at Buffy again as she stepped away from the door, “How’s your friend?” he asked.

Buffy returned her gaze to him as she set the gel she had borrowed down on the counter for a moment, “She’ll be ok… eventually. She’s stronger then she thinks,” she murmured as she took out some food for Miss Kitty and went about spooning it into the cats bowl aware the entire time of Angel’s gaze focused on her every move.

 

Buffy straightened and sighed, “Losing one’s parents is never easy… even if you’re not close,” she murmured as she dumped the now empty food container.

“Oh,” Angel murmured and found himself looking down at his feet once again, a frown darkening his brow.

Buffy sighed as she regarded him, “Don’t look so guilt ridden. It’s not your fault. Human life is short and fragile,”

“Precious,” Angel murmured softly, his gaze still focused on his feet.

Buffy’s look turned slightly surprised, “Yeah,” she agreed just as softly.

 

She moved back towards the counter and picked up the gel jar, “Here,” she said and Angel lifted his gaze in time to see her throw something at him.

He caught the projectile with ease and regarded it with mild curiosity, reading the label he twisted open the lid and looked at the contents inside and frowned again, “This stuff is supposed to go in my hair?”

Buffy nodded, a small amused smile playing about her lips as she took in his reaction to the gel, “It’s great for styling,” she replied as she stepped towards him.

Angel lifted his gaze towards her, “If you say so,” he muttered dubiously.

“Here, I’ll show you,” Buffy offered as she extended a hand out for the jar with one hand and gestured for him to sit back down on the couch he’d been sitting down on earlier.

 

Angel gave her the jar and walked with her back over to the couch and sat down, his eyes focused on her as she perched close to him, probably the closest she’d willingly been to him since she’d agreed to help him with all the reluctance of an abandoned, rightfully resentful Childe.

He watched as she dipped the fingers of both her hands into the jar one after the other and raised her hands to his hair.

Angel closed his eyes as he felt her hands touch his hair softly. Her fingers working the strands into the shape she wanted them. It was the most intimate thing he’d shared with a woman in a long time and it was intoxicating just knowing that she was touching him because she wanted to.

 

“Ok, you can open your eyes now. I’m all finished,” Buffy informed him with amusement, having mistaken his closed eyes as reluctance to have the gel put in his hair.

Angel opened his eyes and swore that he would have blushed if he’d still been able to at the amusement he could see in Buffy’s hazel eyes.

He reached up and touched his newly styled hair gingerly, “It feels weird,” he murmured as his fingers inspected the soft spikes the gel had styled into his hair.

Buffy shrugged, “It looks good though,”

“It does?” Angel asked as he lowered his hand from his hair, his brown gaze meeting Buffy’s.

Buffy resisted the urge to fidget at the look Angel was giving her. Instead she nodded squelching the urge to nothing, “It does. If you thought you were turning heads before, it’ll be nothing compared to when the ladies catch a glimpse of you now,” she assured him as she twisted the lid back on to the jar and shifted a little away from him on the couch.

 

Angel turned his gaze away from Buffy and swallowed thickly as the urge to ask her if she was equally affected rose in him, but he stifled it down. He’d caused the woman beside him enough pain to last a lifetime and her lifetime would be very long… he didn’t need to add any more to it. Besides he had a feeling that he already knew that answer and it wouldn’t be favourable.

Buffy fiddled with the jar, getting remnants of the gel over it, “Uh,” she broke the silence between them drawing Angel’s gaze back to her, “I have a favour to ask,”

“Anything,” Angel replied swiftly.

Buffy raised a brow at him, “You know for a guy as old as you, you should really know better than to agree to a favour without hearing all the particulars. I mean I could ask you to do something completely horrid,” she babbled a little.

 

Angel smiled slightly, “I doubt you’d ask anything of me that I wouldn’t mind doing,” he responded.

“That wasn’t the point,” Buffy muttered her gaze returning to the jar clasped between her hands.

“What’s this favour?” Angel asked curiously as he watched her fiddle once again with jar.

“Willow, that’s my friend,” she elaborated, “She uh, wants to meet you, and I couldn’t bring myself to say no when she was looking so sad and teary,”

Angel frowned slightly, “Why would she want to meet me?” he asked, his hands clenched over his knees.

Buffy sighed, “I’m afraid that I haven’t been all Joe Splainy about my past with her either. She’s hoping that you might be able to unravel some of the mystery that it me,”

 

“Oh,” Angel murmured and felt somewhat comforted by the fact that he wasn’t the only one that she was tight lipped about her past with.

“If you don’t feel like you can, or you really don’t want to that’s fine,” Buffy filled the silence, “I’d understand and uh, I’d get Wills to understand so uh, no pressure or anything,” she babbled slightly, feeling awkward about having to ask this of her Sire… even if he wasn’t the vampire he’d once been.

“You’d be there the entire time right?” Angel asked.

“Of course. We wouldn’t even have to leave the apartment. Willow would be coming here,” Buffy replied.

 

“Then it should be fine,” Angel murmured, “I know you won’t let me do anything to hurt her,”

“Damn straight,” Buffy said firmly, “I’d take you down,” she assured him.

Angel nodded, “Good,” he said relieved and forced back a wince as his demon stirred unwantedly, huffing at the idea of being put down by his own Childe… especially one he’d abandoned, “I – I hope she doesn’t expect too much. I don’t really know all that much about your past either,” he murmured in an attempt to distract himself from his demon.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” Buffy murmured, “I figure seeing as the both of you will be under the same roof I may as well shed some light on the mystery. Maybe then I’ll get some peace from all the questions,” she teased gently.

 

Angel stared at her surprised and elated that she was really going to open up to him, even his demon had quieted for the moment as he absorbed the news.

Buffy got up and scooped Miss Kitty up in her arms. She glanced back at Angel who was still sitting on the couch staring at her, “You coming? It’s going to be dawn soon and I don’t know about you but I plan on getting a full days sleep,”

Angel nodded and trailed after her with slow steps wanting to give his Childe time to get changed into her pyjamas before he entered the safety of the basement bedroom.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel lay on his side facing away from the bed Buffy was lying in sleeping peacefully Miss Kitty curled into her side.

A frown pinched down Angel’s brow and his hand was fisted in the feather pillow that was cushioning his head.

 

_He moved agilely after the sweeping skirts that were trailing behind the pretty little thing they belonged to. He followed her into a lush maze and caught sight of her blond tresses as they sat piled on top of her head, the curled locks falling down her back and chuckled lowly. The thrill of the chase pumping through him, spurring on his intent._

_His head had been full of the pretty little lass since he’d met her the other night. Her witty little responses often laced with sarcasm and her breathy little moans as he woke her body to the delights of pleasure._

_The look of startled shock on her face as someone called her name and she’d made a hurried get away._

_Angelus easily tracked her around the twists and bends, closing the distance between them with each step he took until he came upon her as she stood looking at a single white rose that was peeking through the green, neatly trimmed hedge._

_He heard her gasp and felt her stiffen in surprise and perhaps slight fear as he slid his arms around her familiarly, “Are ye hiding from me lass?” he murmured against her ear and felt her relax slightly as she recognised him._

_“Why would I be hiding from you, Sir?” Buffy asked softly, her breath hitching in her throat as she felt his breath wash against her ear._

_“Sir? Why so formal? I much prefer my name falling from your lips,” Angelus murmured huskily and felt her shiver. The scent of her arousal beginning to perfume the air around them faintly._

_Heat flushed her cheeks, “I think last time we met we were a little to informal,” she murmured and attempted to step out of his arms only to be pressed back against the masculine chest as the arms around her refused to budge, “Angelus?” she questioned, her voice catching breathily in her throat._

_“That’s better,” Angelus murmured, his lips brushing against her ear, one of his hands smoothed over her stomach, the fine silk material doing nothing to hide her warmth._

_“Ooh,” Buffy breathed in sharply as she felt his lips kissing down her neck and as if it had a will of its own, her head tilted despite every logical reason not to, to give him better access to the sensitive flesh, “We really shouldn’t,” she murmured, but her voice lacked conviction._

_Angelus smirked against her throat, his lips brushing over the throbbing pulse, “I recall you singing a similar tune last time, lass,”_

_“Oh, but this time I-I mean it,” Buffy breathed, one of her hands coming up to trace her fingers up over his cheek._

_Angelus nipped gently at the throbbing artery, not wanting to break the skin just yet, “Alright lass,” he purred against her skin and felt her gasp softly. He straightened and allowed her to turn, his arms slipping from around her. One of his hands curling around her slender hand, “Come sit with me for a bit,” he murmured persuasively._

_Buffy nodded, her two front teeth nibbling her lower lip a little nervously as she allowed Angelus to lead her by the hand towards the stone bench that was situated rather prettily by the hedge just off the paved path of the maze._

_She gasped in surprise when Angelus pulled her down into his lap when she moved to take a seat beside him, “This really isn’t proper,” she muttered with a flush to her cheeks but made no move to get up._

_“No, it isn’t,” Angelus agreed, his voice husky with desire, “But I just can’t seem to help myself. Every time I see you lass, I feel the need to hold you close,” he rocked his hips up, his hands keeping her in place and heard her gasp sharply at the sensation._

_Her head tilted back to rest against his shoulder, “Th-This feels strange,” she murmured softly, her voice breathy with desire._

_“But it feels good doesn’t it?” Angelus responded his lips trailing kisses down her throat as he let his hands roam over her small luscious body, “Just like the other night,”_

_“Y-Yes, but different,” Buffy responded, her hips picking up the rhythm and she parted her legs instinctively. Her body liking the feeling of the hardness that was rubbing against her with each motion of their hips._

_“It’ll feel even better,” Angelus promised, his hands moving to her hips, guiding her rhythm, “Move your hips, just like this lass. That’s it,” he praised, his eyes sliding closed for a brief moment as he allowed himself to enjoy the moment._

_When he was sure that she had the rhythm down, he shifted his arms one moving to deftly loosen the laces of her dress allowing it to begin to fall down her slender shoulders, whilst the other slid lower to tease the juncture between her thighs._

_Her breathy little moans filling his ears just as her arousal filled his sensitive nose urging him on._

_The moment was ruined as an outraged gasp reached his sensitive ears, drawing his gaze to an older woman who resembled the girl on his lap._

_“Buffy!” the woman growled outraged and she stiffened in response her eyes opening to see the woman whom was obviously her mother._

 

“Angel!”

Angel jerked awake and turned slightly to see Buffy looming over him for the second day in a row, a look that was an awful lot like concern on her face, “Sorry,” he apologized as he rolled completely onto his back.

“It’s ok,” Buffy sighed out as she released his shoulder, “No one can help dreaming,” she murmured, “Did uh, did you want to talk about it?” she offered, before wishing that she hadn’t. She wasn’t sure if she really wanted to hear what Angelus was plaguing his human soul with.

Angel sat up and looked down at his lap, “Normally, it’s random stuff. The things he knows will cause me the most pain, but recently, since realizing you’re still alive… he’s been tormenting me with you,” he murmured slowly, his voice thick with emotion as he attempted to fully pull himself back into the present.

 

Buffy frowned slightly, “With me?” she murmured, her hazel gaze focused on her Sire’s tormented face.

Angel nodded, but kept his gaze focused on the sheet that was covering his lap, “Yesterday it was the night we met,” he swallowed thickly, “And today – the maze garden,”

Buffy sat on the mattress Angel was using as a bed, “My mother came upon us… slapped you, and gave my ears a good blistering… her and my father after they’d dragged me home,” she recalled her voice soft.

“I deserved it – the things I wanted to do to you,” Angel murmured guiltily.

“What Angelus wanted to do to me,” Buffy corrected firmly.

 

Angel raised his gaze to hers.

“If it’s one thing I’m realizing since meeting you in the alley Angel,” Buffy stressed the name her Sire now went by, “Is that you and Angelus are completely different. I wouldn’t be willing to share my past with you if I thought you were the same as him,” she admitted.

Angel lowered his gaze again, “Not so different,” he muttered.

Buffy sighed, “You’re experiences may have shaped what Angelus is, Angel, but that doesn’t make you the same,” she got up onto her knees and shuffled closer to him, drawing his gaze once again. She reached up a slow hand and touched it gently to his cheek, “The Sire I knew wouldn’t care about taking a human life,”

Angel reluctantly met her gaze, “I feel it though. That desire to kill and cause pain. It’s so strong some times that I…”

 

Buffy shifted her palm over his cheek so that she could rest her thumb against his lips, “You fight it,” she said firmly, “You came looking for me because you don’t want to be him,”

Angel shook his head, the sharp prick of guilty tears at the back of his eyes, “I’m weak Buffy I’ve always been weak,”

Buffy shook her head, her hazel eyes hardening as she tightened her grip on Angel’s face, forcing him to meet his eyes, “You’ve fought the urge to kill and to feed, starved yourself and when that didn’t work you came here and asked for help. That isn’t weakness Angel. That’s strength. In that changing room you could have killed that guy, instead you told him to go get me. You are stronger then you give yourself credit for,”

 

Buffy lowered her hand from his face as Angel stared at her with a torn expression as if he wanted to believe, but couldn’t quiet bring himself to do it, “A weaker man would have been driven insane by the demon by now,” she murmured, her expression challenging him to attempt to contradict her.

“I uh,” Angel attempted to find his voice.

“You should give yourself a bit of a break Angel,” Buffy stated, “You’ve been thrust back into a body with a demon that knows how to push your every button and will do so just for kicks. He’s got nothing else better to do. You’re doing much better then you’re giving yourself credit for,”

 

After a long moment Angel shook his head, “You don’t really know me the kind of man I am,”

Buffy shrugged, “I know enough,” she said firmly, “Now lie back down,” she instructed and pushed at his broad shoulders when he didn’t move.

Angel let her push him onto his back, his mind awhirl with the inspirational words Buffy had unexpectedly showered him with. Words that he wanted to believe, but…

Angel’s thoughts broke off sharply as his attention was drawn back to the petite vampiress as she lay down beside him on the mattress instead of getting up to get back into her own bed, “What are you doing?” he asked surprised.

Buffy raised her gaze to his face, “I thought, maybe if you knew that I was right here… it might be more difficult for Angelus to torment your dreams,” she murmured, “It was a stupid idea,” she muttered and sat up, sure that her cheeks would be flushed if she was still capable of such a physical display of embarrassment.

 

Angel reached out and curled his hand around her forearm halting her upward motion, “No. It’s not stupid,” he said, feeling shame once again at wanting her so close. To want to feel the same feeling he’d felt when she’d been styling his hair, her knees almost brushing his she’d been sitting so close.

Buffy slowly lay back down beside Angel and he released her arm.

“Thanks… for doing this,” Angel said gratefully.

Buffy shrugged a little uncomfortably, “I told you I’d help you,” she murmured, “Try and get some more sleep Angel. The day is still young,” she said as she closed her eyes in the hopes of getting some more sleep, but even with her eyes closed she was hyper aware of the fact that she was so close to Angel… that she had volunteered to be this close to him… to sleep beside him in the same bed… it had her feeling uncomfortable.

 

Or maybe vulnerable was the better word to describe it. She felt like she had let apart of herself become exposed and she didn’t like it. The last time she’d been exposed with her Sire she’d been hurt… badly.

 

_He’s not Angelus._

 

She reminded herself and let out a soft breath of unnecessary air to release the tension in her. She’d seen the differences in the two men that shared the same face. It may have only been a couple of days, but the differences were unmistakable to her.

Maybe that was why she felt so uncomfortable and exposed… this version of her Sire… she could see herself liking him and that… that scared her… liking her Sire again had never been part of her plan when she’d decided to help him.

 

_What have I gotten myself into?_

 

Angel closed his eyes and focused his senses on his Childe a she lay curled up on her side facing him. He wanted to luxuriate in her, in her closeness and the acceptance she was tentatively beginning to offer in the extension of her trust, but he was afraid.

He’d had nothing but the monster inside of him for so long… Angel shifted on the mattress and heard Buffy sigh.

“Whatever he’s saying tell him to shut up, nobody cares what he thinks and he’s not worth losing anymore sleep over,” she muttered.

Angel looked at her uncomfortably, “He wasn’t,” he murmured even as Angelus stirred inside of him at her disrespect.

Buffy opened her eyes and met his gaze, “Then stop tearing yourself down or I’ll get cranky… and trust me. You won’t like it if I get cranky,”

 

Angel felt his lips twitch upwards in a small amused smile, “Yes ma’am,” he murmured and closed his eyes again and perhaps for the first time… he enjoyed his demons agitation. There was something soothing about the fact that Buffy wasn’t scared of his demon and had in a way stood up for him against the being that took such pleasure in tormenting his every moment.

 

_Nobody cares indeed._

 

**_Oh she’ll care. When I’m free I’ll teach her to respect her Sire!_ **

Angel frowned, his eyes still closed. _Never happen._

**_My family won’t let me stay like this forever._ **

_Yeah, they were in a real rush to help._ Angel sneered at his demon.

 

**_Darla. Darla wasn’t in a rush to help. Drusilla however… she’s loyal._ **

Angel swallowed thickly. _She’s deranged and can barely hold a clear thought in her head long enough to give it voice._ He shot back.

 

“Stop listening to him!!” Buffy growled from beside him making Angel jump.

“How’d you…”

“I could smell fear and nervousness on you,” Buffy replied, “So I hazarded a guess. Letting him get to you is only going to encourage him,” she murmured more softly, “Now sleep, you get to hear about my life tomorrow – focus on that instead of the arrogant ass,”

Angel nodded and once again closed his eyes in attempt to reach sleep… hopefully a sleep without his demons torment.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Willow looked herself over in the full length mirror that resided on the inside of her wardrobe door. She sighed and shook her head as she shed the jacket she had donned and pulled the shirt over her head and let it fall to the floor.

She had no idea why she was being so critical of her appearance. She was just going over to Buffy’s, her closest friend’s place…

And meet her Sire in the hopes of learning something more about the vampiress that was so reluctant to share about herself.

 

Willow sorted through her shirts once again, hoping to find something that would encourage sharing either from Buffy or her Sire.

She wanted to learn more even if it was just a little bit, she loved to learn… her love of knowledge had been initially what had started her down the Wiccan path.

“Ok, take three,” she murmured as she pulled out a slightly tamer rainbow shirt and slipped it on over her head.

She looked herself over again and nibbled her lower lip, still not completely happy with her look. She glanced over at the time and sighed, “It’ll do,” she muttered and snatched up her discarded jacket and shrugged it on before she made her way out of her apartment.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy stepped out of her bathroom, her hands in her hair as she pulled the blond strands into a ponytail.

She paused for a brief moment in mid motion at seeing Angel with his back to her, the scent of blood in the air. His head tilted back and his arm raised in the motion of drinking from a glass. Her lips curved up slightly, “It’s good to see you drinking without prompting,” she murmured lightly as she finished tying her hair up.

Angel lowered his arm and half turned so that he could look at his Childe, “Uh, yeah,” he said with self-conscious embarrassment, “I thought it would be safer, what with your friend coming over soon,”

 

Buffy glanced at the bench to see two empty blood bags on the bench, “I appreciate that,” she murmured sincerely before she turned away from Angel and turned her attention to the safety of her cat, picking up the grey ball of fur and hugged the animal to her chest taking comfort from the warmth and soft gentle purring Miss Kitty started up the moment her hand stroked over her fur.

 

_Why did this have to get so confusing… why couldn’t Angel be as hateful as Angelus? That I could deal with. I could give him the basics and send him on his merry way and not look back… but this she really hadn’t anticipated._

 

She glanced over at her Sire to see that he was in the middle of pulling out another blood bag. She glanced away again when he turned his head in her direction having felt her gaze.

“Come one Miss Kitty how about we groom out some of the knots in your fur,” she said to her cat, in the hopes of making Angel think that it was his imagination.

Angel followed her with his gaze as she walked over to a small closet door and pulled out a grooming brush.

 

**_Oh great, you’re playing eye tag with her… that’s so high school. Are you a creature of the night… a pathetic creature of the night granted, or a teenage boy?_ **

_I don’t know what you’re talking about._ Angel replied before he could stop himself as she turned his attention back to the blood bag in his hand and he threw it into the microwave before turning it on.

 

**_Sure you don’t._** Came the disbelieving reply. **_At least be a freaking demon about it and not an untried little boy that goes home to bop the baloney._**

_Shut up!_

****

**_Ooh, someone’s growing a set…_ **

 

Angel drowned out the rest of his demons unwanted comments by focusing his attention on opening the blood bag and pouring the contents into the glass.

He gulped it down hurriedly and finished it within a couple of moments. He let out a long lived breath before moving to clean up the mess his feeding had left behind… wanting to remove the evidence of his need.

 

Buffy let Miss Kitty leap from her lap having finished grooming her barely a minute later there was a knock on her door.

She frowned as she got up to answer it. Willow wasn’t due to come round for another hour and a half after her classes had finished for the night. Her body was tense as she approached the door, the sound of Angel putting some water in the sink to wash his glass loud in her ears as she wondered if she’d been found again… if she’d lingered to long in this sanctuary she had found.

 

She relaxed however as she heard a heartbeat and recognised the scent as Willow’s. She opened the door, “Hey,” she greeted warmly, “Did classes let out early or something?” she asked curiously as she allowed Willow to step into her apartment.

“Uh yeah… in that I didn’t go… I doubt I could have really concentrated enough to make it worthwhile,” Willow murmured, her gaze flicking to the broad back of the dark haired man that was standing over the sink, the sound of water going down the drain filling the room for a brief moment.

“Is that him?” she asked in a hushed whisper.

Buffy nodded, “Yeah,” she said in a hushed whisper that was the same pitch as Willow’s, “And talking this low… he can still hear you,” she teased.

 

“Oh right,” she said in a normal voice, “I’m still getting used to the whole vampire hearing thing,” she said with a slightly embarrassed flush.

Angel dried his hands and turned to face Buffy’s curious guest, “Hi… I was sorry to hear of your loss,” he murmured sincerely. His expression carefully hiding how uncomfortable he was, the red heads heartbeat loud in his ears.

He shifted his gaze to Buffy briefly taking strength from the fact that she was there, and was in between him and the hot, rich blood that was pumping through the young woman’s body.

“Oh uh, thank you,” Willow replied and watched as Angel turned away from then. She leaned in towards Buffy, “Ok, I completely understand why you let him turn you,” she murmured even softer than before.

 

_And he can still hear you Wills._ Buffy thought, but didn’t respond to her friend’s statement. She took a breath, “Take a seat,” she told Willow with a gesture to the couch Angel wasn’t sitting on, “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Do you have soda?” Willow asked hopefully.

“Just for you,” Buffy replied as she moved towards the fridge.

Willow sat down on the couch opposite Angel, “So, it’s nice to meet you,” she said politely as she smoothed her hands down the front of her jeans awkwardly.

Angel swallowed thickly, “Likewise,” he responded how he knew he was supposed to. His ears still full of her heartbeat, and suddenly he was really glad that he had only just eaten, making the temptation to sink his fangs into her throat seem more distant… less urgent.

 

Buffy walked between the couches at that moment and handed Willow a can of 7up.

“Thanks,” Willow murmured gratefully as she accepted the can.

“You’re welcome,” Buffy replied and sat on the other end of the couch the red head was sitting on, feeling the need for some distance between herself and her guests for what she was planning to do, “So, I know that you’re both curious about what I’ve been doing and seeing as you’re both here,”

“Ooh, you’re going to shed some light on the mystery?” Willow exclaimed excitedly almost spilling her soda in the process of her excitement.

“Yeah, Wills. That’s the plan,” Buffy said softly, amusement touching her tone at her friends reaction all the while aware of Angel’s gaze on her.

 

“So uh, where to start,” Buffy murmured as she leaned back against the couch as she wondered how she should. It was a hard topic to have to go into.

“How about what you did after I left,” Angel suggested.

Buffy lifted her gaze to meet his, “After Angelus left,” she corrected, her voice catching against the lump that was lodged in her throat, “I did what he told me. I waited for him to come back from his hunt… Embarrassingly I waited an entire month before it sank in that he wasn’t coming back. That he’d decided that I wasn’t worth his time anymore,”

 

Buffy took a breath as she remembered that moment, the fear that had threatened to consume her. The hurtful sense of abandonment that had accompanied it icing on the cake of the panic attack she had been on the verge of.

“I uh, wasn’t sure what to do for a while after that. Didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have the necessary skills to survive,” Buffy swallowed thickly again.

 

**_How did you survive?_ **

 

As if hearing the question Buffy answered it in the next moment.

“Eventually, another Master vampire took pity on me and took the time to teach me a few things about surviving on my own, before taking off on his merry way. At around the same time as that I heard a rumour that you… uh, Angelus was in England somewhere and I desperate for answers and to lessen the pain the strain of such early separation put on our bond… for me anyway decided to try and follow, but by the time I got there he’d already moved on with Darla,” Buffy glanced over at Willow noting her confused expression, “She’s Angelus’ Sire,” she explained and willow nodded in understanding.

 

“I followed him from place to place… always just missing him, always a step behind. I’d begun to feel like it was hopeless that he knew I was following and was being sure to have moved on before I could get there,” Buffy sighed and scratched at her forehead uncomfortably and took a steadying breath, “Anyway, years seemed to pass like that before I knew it. Uh, then uh one day, a different kind of rumour reached me… one that hurt surprisingly more than being abandoned to die… I uh, I heard that he’d Sired someone else, a man this time around the same age he’d been before he’d been turned… and I finally decided to stop searching,” Buffy admitted, her gaze shooting to Willow when she felt her warm hand touched her knee in a comforting gesture.

 

Buffy gave Willow a small grateful smile and squeezed her hand in a careful movement, “I stayed in Prussia for a while and tried to forget, to ignore what I heard, what whispers reached my ears about what you were doing, but I couldn’t seem to escape them… everyone was talking about Angelus. I eventually moved on, hoping to find a spot where nobody cared about Angelus or what it was he was doing… but then years later, I once again heard that Angelus had Sired again… a woman this time… a seer…” Buffy let out a slightly bitter chuckle, “That one hurt… Oh boy did that one hurt. Anyway I waited, this time listening to hear anything about Angelus and his new Childe… eventually I learned her name… and a few other scattered things about the manner of her turning… but when a month had gone by and all I heard was that they were still travelling together… I got curious…” she said carefully.

 

“You started following me… him again,” Angel murmured.

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, “I wanted to see for myself what his family was like… what they had that I didn’t…”

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest protectively, “It took a while, but eventually I managed to catch up to him and his family… it was in England, London…”

Buffy let out a shaky breath, “It was completely by chance that I saw him… him and his family. I’d been walking down the street, heading down town to a gathering that I thought he might have been interested in checking out…” she cleared her throat and looked down at her lap with a frown.

 

“When I saw them together, I stepped out of sight… and watched from an alleyway as they made their way down the street in no hurry. And as I watched I lost my nerve… I suddenly didn’t want to know… the way he interact with his family and the way he’d treated me… where completely different…”

Buffy gave her head a small shake, “He might have sensed my gaze or something because Angelus moved to look in my direction and I turned and fled… I didn’t want to be seen… I didn’t want to see his reaction at seeing me again,”

 

Angel looked down as well, he could remember that moment… he had felt eyes on him… familiar eyes and a sensation of someone he’d never thought to sense again, but he hadn’t seen anything and had dismissed it…

It hadn’t been long after that that he’d felt a bond that he hadn’t even been aware of break… forcing him… his demon to think about his first Childe again for the first time in years… and all he’d felt was surprise that she’d lasted that long… and perhaps a tinge of sadness… he’d been older then and understood more about the responsibilities of a Sire then when he’d turned his first…

 

“I fled England that night. Got on a charter ship… I didn’t care where it was going… I ended up in Rome for a while and then Britain,” a small smile curled up her lips and affection lit up her eyes, “It was there that I was tracked down by a vampire that had heard of me and had become curious about Angelus’ first Childe,”

Angel sat up a little straighter, that bitter possessive sensation hitting him again.

“You know him,” Buffy murmured as she met Angel’s eyes with her own, “His name is Penn. He’d heard about me and had grown curious about the kind of vampire I was… why Angelus had abandoned me…” Buffy’s smile widened, “He didn’t care that I didn’t want to kill. He didn’t care that I was a freak by vampire standards… he liked me… thought I was cute and amusing… we got along like a house on fire…”

 

Buffy chuckled as fond memories assailed her, “We spent months together, travelling and keeping each other company… having adventures… then one day. He said he had to leave… had an appointment to keep… with Angelus. He asked if I wanted to come with… I said no and he agreed that he wouldn’t mention me at all… I was happy being dead to Angelus by that stage and in a way I think Penn liked the idea of having me to himself… having a secret from Angelus… he was after all, Angelus’ success where I’d been his failure,”

 

Buffy sucked in her lower lip as she gathered her thoughts glad that she was coming up to the end of her tale, “I left Britain soon after that, travelling around, once again trying to find a place where I didn’t have to hear about Angelus and his exploits every other day… or whenever he did something else that sent the demon community atwitter… and he always seemed to be doing something to send them into an excited frenzy. Eventually I found my way here and to my relief no one here seemed to care about what was going on outside of themselves… that’s the beauty of the Hellmouth everyone here has their own agenda. Mostly it’s to open the Hellmouth and most have no clue what they’re doing making them harmless… others do and them I take care of… I like the world as it is. The last thing I want is to be stuck in a world where there are more demons to consider me a freak then they are now,”

 

Buffy took a deep breath, “After all that talking… I need some fresh air… come on Wills I’ll walk you home,” she offered.

Willow sensing Buffy’s need nodded, “Sure,” she agreed.

Buffy turned her gaze back to Angel and found that after revealing so much of her past to him she couldn’t quite meet his eye so soon after, “I’ll be back soon uh,”

“I’ll be fine,” Angel murmured thickly.

 

Angel let out a breath as he heard the door close behind Buffy and Willow. His demon was strangely quiet after Buffy’s telling. There were some gaping holes in time in her tale, but he’d learned more tonight then he’d expected, especially in regards to her choice in companion.

Penn… he’d never actually gone to meet his second eldest Childe he hadn’t been able to bring himself to… but now he wondered if he’d been brave enough to face his Childe as he was now… would he have learned about Buffy’s survival or would Penn have kept his promise to Buffy and kept her a secret from him.

The demon liked to think no. Penn was a loyal Childe and looked up to him like no other… but Angel wasn’t so sure… Buffy did have a way about her that inspired trust and loyalty in most… just not his demon…

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy made eye contact with a young college freshman as she danced at the Bronze, her eyes flirting with him, inviting him over and he came to her like a moth to a flame, drawn to her.

Buffy soon had him in a dark alcove in the Bronze and she pushed him up against the wall in patiently. She felt the need to have something fresh tonight, after spilling her vulnerable guts to her best friend and her Sire.

She needed something to wash it all away with and so she’d ended up detouring on her way back home from dropping off Willow at her apartment.

In an easy practiced movement she sank her fangs into the pounding artery in the boy’s neck and began drinking her senses focused on him entirely, her eyes attune to the rhythm of his heart.

 

The moment it began to slow she pulled back and shifted her face back into the pretty innocent features of the human she’d once been and met the boy’s confused gaze, “The only thing you remember about tonight is that you had a great time and a pretty girl left a wicked hickey on your neck,” she thralled him and the boy nodded.

Satisfied Buffy released him completely and walked away, her hunger quenched. With a sigh she left the Bronze and reluctantly made her way home.

She’d been the one to decide to let Angel in on her past, she’d chosen it, and she couldn’t avoid him and his reaction to it forever.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters mentioned in the cannon.

**CHAPTER 6**

 

A quiet sighing breath escaped Buffy as she pressed the door closed to her home behind her. She was alone on the upper levels at least.

She could still feel her Sire's presence in her home, but it seemed he had retired for the day already… something she was grateful for.

 

Despite how long she had spent wandering the night, delaying her return so that she wouldn't have to face him.

Buffy moved away from the door on deliberately silent feet. It was merely a token effort however, even if he couldn't hear her - he'd still be able to sense her, just as she could feel him.

 

She flicked her tongue out over her lips as she sank down into her couch and hardly a moment later a furry warm body made herself at home with a soft purr.

Buffy stoked her hand over the animal's back, before she reached up and gently scratched at the tufty ears much to the felines delight, "I feel like an unstable fledge that can't make up her mind," she muttered softly to herself, before she picked up the cat on her lap and held up the suddenly slightly ruffled animal at her eye line, "Did I do the right thing?" she asked.

 

Miss Kitty gave her a blank look that still managed to look annoyed at being so suddenly unseated, before she meowed in an unimpressed tone.

 

"And somehow, I don't feel even a little bit better about all this," Buffy grumbled under her breath, sarcasm colouring her tone as she allowed Miss Kitty to perch back on her lap, but instead of getting comfy like before the feline leapt off her lap and strutted away with a flick of her tail.

Buffy leaned her head back against the couch and chewed her lower lip and frowned.

 

_This is ridiculous! I'm almost two centuries old!_

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel rolled over onto his back and stared darkly up at the ceiling.

He wished that he could sleep, dreaming would be better than this.

At least when he was dreaming in he had no control over his thoughts, or the dreams that were conjured up.

 

Instead, he was wide awake and tormenting himself as his mind travelled down a path he really didn't want to think about.

His subconscious seemed to have other ideas however, as it kept steering back to that one moment in history. The moment he'd become a Sire for the first time…

 

A tainted sickening memory that was made worse with the knowledge of what his eldest Childe's life had been like, both the good and the bad.

 

Angel swiped a hand over his forehead before knuckling at his eyes as he attempted to steer his mind away from the memory once again. However the brief fleeting pain from the pressure he was exerting on them, did nothing to stop the progression of his thoughts, if anything, it somehow dredge up an image of that night.

 

The dark streets, the sound of Buffy's painted breathes as she began to grow tired at the quick pace he had set to get them away from her families London home, and the feel of her warm slender hand in cased in his own and the triumphant feel of upcoming success swelling in his chest…

 

_"A-Angelus, please I need a break," Buffy panted out as her feet faltered a little as she struggled to keep moving so fast._

_Angelus glanced back at her briefly, before surveying the street, "Hang on," he replied as he shifted their trajectory slightly, steering them into an alley, "We can rest in here," he said as he brought them to a stop, guiding Buffy towards the wall of the alley so that she could catch her breath._

_He watched as his stolen prize panted in an attempt to catch her breath, her cheeks flushed from the exertion and his eyes darkened with desire and slight impatience._

 

Angel gritted his teeth, he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to relive that moment. The moment he stole Buffy's life from her and damned her to the one she was living now, but like a waking nightmare the memory continued to play out in his mind…

 

The way he'd changed his mind as he'd watched her struggle to catch her breath as her corset compressed her ribcage.

Angel swallowed thickly, shamefully aroused by the memory he was reliving as he remembered the way he'd taken advantage of her distraction to press her more firmly against the brick wall of the alley. His hands engulfing her wrists, that felt tiny under his hands, as he pinned her to the wall and she'd looked up at him with a trusting innocence, that made his guilt that much worse…

 

_"Angelus, w-what is it?" Buffy asked a little confused at his sudden closeness._

_"You are so beautiful," Angelus murmured huskily as he dipped down and trailed a soft, seductive path of kisses across her cheek._

_"Uh, um," she mumbled, a little thrown as her wits almost immediately began to scatter at the thrum of heat the soft kisses had pulsing through her, "A-Angelus, I don't think,"_

_Angelus pulled back slightly, "It's alright, Buffy. I'll take good care of you," he promised, he released one of her wrists and curved his fingers under her chin, "Or would you prefer to marry that arrogant little dandy your parents have matched you with,"_

 

_"No, I don't want to marry him," Buffy replied without hesitation and as Angelus lowered his face closer to hers, she didn't flinch, didn't turn away, even as her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but she trusted him…_

_Angelus whispered his lips over hers testing his prey's resolve, before taking her mouth in a heated kiss._

_He released her other wrist as he settled his hands on her slender body. One of his hands immediately moving to lift her skirts whilst his other pressed her  higher up against the wall she that her legs could hug his hips…_

 

Angel jumped up from the bed, his breaths heavy _. NO! I don’t want to remember anymore!_

 

**_"Coward,"_** the demon sneered, ** _"She felt so good and warm… almost like a brand that night… and so eager,"_**

 

"Stop it!" Angel hissed, his hands clutching at his head in an attempt to stave off the memory.

 

_"A-Angelus!" Buffy cried out in desperate passion as he thrust inside of her in a relentless rhythm, her hands clutching at his shoulders as if her life depended on it, "I-I can't breathe!" she gasped as she flung her head back._

_Angelus tightened his grip on her hips, his face pressed into the crook of her neck to hide his face, it having shifted beyond his control a short while ago as his anticipation rose for the climax, "Yes, you can," he gritted out, his tongue flicking out to lap against the pounding artery in her throat, "Just let go, don't fight it," he urged…_

 

Angel let out a strangled sound and released his head and rested a hand against the bedside table that rested between Buffy's bed and the makeshift one she'd made up for him.

His grip changed on it and with an agonised cry, he threw it across the room with a loud crash, his chest heaving as he fought against the memory and the overwhelming guilt that was rising up to choke him…

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy lifted her head from her reclining position on the couch at the sound of a loud crash coming from down in the basement.

She got to her feet and hurried down the stairs and froze in shock at the sight of Angel on his knees, his body shivering and shaky.

She caste her gaze quickly about the room and took in the broken bedside table, before she turned her hazel gaze that was full of concern back to her house guest, "A-Angel?" she called a little hesitantly.

 

Angel's gaze locked on Buffy and he let out a gasping breath, "I'm sorry - Buffy, God… I'm so sorry," he apologized.

Buffy hesitated, before she moved towards him, her hands trembling slightly as she closed the distance, "Angel," Buffy murmured, uncertain what she should say.

She reached out to him, her fingers barely brushing his cheek when his hands latched onto her and his face was buried against her stomach. His wet tears dampening the cloth of her shirt instantly.

 

"Uh, it's ok," Buffy said a little awkwardly, surprised at the strong tugging of her heartstrings at seeing him so distraught.

Angel shook his head, his hands tightening around Buffy's sides for a brief moment before he relaxed them again, "No, it's not Buffy,"

After another moment of indecision Buffy placed a hand on his head in an effort to sooth him, only for Angel's grip on her to change as he slid his arms around her frame instead and hugged her to him, "Oh boy," she muttered as she attempted to find a comfortable place to rest her hands now that he was holding her so close.

 

After a moment of indecision Buffy forced herself to relax and let her hands run soothingly over his head, "Angel, what happened?" she asked when she thought he had calmed down enough.

"I uh," Angel swallowed thickly, "Do you remember, the night I turned you?"

Buffy was silent for a long moment, and her right eye began to twitch with irritation, "Is that what this is all about?" she muttered. She pulled back from her distraught Sire a little, "Alright, don't take this the wrong way Angel but,"

 

Buffy finished her sentence with a solid right hook to Angel's face sending the unsuspecting older vampire to the ground. She stalked after him and pressed her foot to his throat, "Alright," she spoke as Angel's shocked eyes met hers, "Now that I have your undivided attention let me make this one thing extremely clear," she said firmly, "This I'm such a bad guy, I've done terrible things guilt trip thing you're on. It ends right now,"

 

Angel opened his mouth to object.

 

"No, shut up and listen to me," Buffy growled her eyes flashing amber in irritation as she felt the salty wetness of his tears against her stomach from where they'd wet her shirt, "We've all got things we're not proud of in our past, granted you've probably got a few more than most, but if you think even for a moment that I'm just going to sit back and watch you do this to yourself after agreeing to take you in and teach you how to survive with a conscience. Nu-uh, no way Mister,"

 

Angel's limbs shifted involuntarily as Angelus roared and snarled inside of him at the position his Childe had him in…

 

Buffy took a calming breath, "That's not to say that your regret and guilt over what happened to me isn't endearing and not to mention a little touching, but, Angel. I honestly don't need it and as strange as this is for me to say… I don't want it. I  don't want you to feel bad over it. My life hasn't been easy, no one's life is," Buffy lips twisted up in a smile that was only slightly bitter, "But it was a sight lot better than being married to that offish dandy that my parents wanted me to marry. Have I made myself clear, or do I need to knock some more sense into that thick head of yours?" she asked with a smile that was pleasant, but promised more pain if he even attempted to protest anything she'd said.

 

Angel coughed a little, "Crystal," he gritted out around the booted foot that was still pressed against his jugular.

"Good," Buffy said as she lifted her foot from his throat and stretched a hand down to him and helped him up as he took it, "Now are there going to be anymore pity me episodes?" she enquired.

"No ma'am," Angel murmured.

"That's what I want to hear,"

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy lay on her bed staring up at her ceiling with a frown darkening her brow.

On the mattress beside her bed, Angel was doing much the same thing as they lay in silence that wasn't uncomfortable but not exactly companionable either.

 

Buffy twiddled her fingers as they rested on her stomach. She wasn't sure what had come over her earlier, never had she imagined becoming annoyed with Angel's guilt… but listening to him apologise for that night, far from making her feel better, it had made her feel worse. Almost angry to hear him apologise for it.

Maybe because it was the wrong vampire apologising, or maybe because seeing Angel on his knees on the floor balling his eyes out had shocked her… unsettled her might be a better term for how she felt at that moment… but even that didn't cover it properly.

 

Buffy sighed out a breath and shifted a little irately against her mattress.

"You know," Angel broke the silence, "You've got a mean right hook,"

"Yeah, I know that," Buffy replied, "It's something you learn when you have the knack for finding trouble like I do,"

Angel shifted on his mattress so that he was staring in Buffy's direction, "You have a knack for finding trouble?"

Buffy chuckled dryly and shifted over on the mattress so that she could look at Angel, "I thought that was a given - I mean, I did run off with a vampire and got myself turned didn't i?"

 

Her rhetorical question was met with a silence and Angel turned his gaze away from her.

Buffy rolled her eyes, before she propped herself up on her elbow and stared down at him, "Look Angel," she murmured a little uncomfortably as she looked down at her free hand as she smoothed it over her sheets, "I'm only going to say this once so you better listen real hard," she returned her gaze to Angel, "I don't blame you, or Angelus, for my turning,"

Angel gave her a look that was filled with a desperate confusion.

"I made choices… sure you could argue that Angelus manipulated me into it… and sure he did, but, it was still my choice," Buffy sighed and smoothed her hand over the sheet again, "I made the choice to run from my problems, to be seduced by the handsome man. There were plenty of choices that I could have made Angel, that would have prevented Angelus from getting near me again, but I didn't. It was my choices that lead me down that alley with Angelus that night, had me die in that alley and wake up a vampire in his bed the next night,"

 

Angel sat up, his expression still troubled, "You think that if you'd simply said 'no' called for help or refused him at every turn, that I - he would have just let you go?" Angel shook his head, "He wouldn't have Buffy… he would have just kept coming, he hates to lose… and you would have suffered a lot more for his continued efforts,"

Buffy sucked on her lower lip for a moment, "I suppose he would have," she agreed to his logic, before she offered him a small smile, "That doesn't change the fact that, I made choices, misguided maybe… but I still made them. I knew what I should have done. I should have stayed with my family and tried to work things out that way… instead I chose to run and that cost me. So, you can stop beating yourself up over me, ok?"

 

Angel shook his head, "It's not that easy," he muttered.

Buffy nodded, before she leaned forward and reached an arm out towards him. She flicked his forehead with her pointer finger, "That's what I'm here for. To help, even if that means kicking the crap out of you,"

 

Angel couldn't help, but chuckle at the lightly spoken threat.

Buffy gave him a look, "I'm serious, you know. If helping you means kicking the crap out of you I'll do,"

"I know," Angel responded as he lay back against the mattress.

"Good," Buffy murmured as she too settled back against her bed, the silence now much less tense as the two slowly let sleep claim them.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel leaned back on the couch, the sound of the running water through the pipes as Buffy had a shower filling his ears.

The demon was riled, had been since early hours of the morning, since after Buffy had so casually hit him… had informed him that she'd beat him down if she needed to.

Needless to say, the demons pride was bruised, which irked him… irked him enough to want to show her just who'd beat down whom.

 

Beneath that instinctual reaction on his part, was a twisted sense of pride in his oldest Childe.

Angel rubbed his temples, he wished that the demon would just shut up already. He was sick of feeling him so intensely. It was beginning to give him a headache, the steady rush of conflicting emotions.

 

"Would you just shut up already, I don't give a damn if your annoyed!" he gritted as he lowered his hands from his temples as the demon huffed and snarled at him.

"Are you alright?" Buffy's sudden voice made Angel jump, startled.

"Uh, yeah. He's just unhappy with your little speech last night… even if he thinks I deserve a beat down… he doesn't like your tone,"

Buffy snorted as she walked past him, "Tell him that he'll just have to get used to it. I don't take crap from anybody, not anymore,"

 

"Oh, I'm sure he'll learn that soon enough," Angel responded earning a small smile from Buffy, just before she leaned against the kitchen bench.

"So, I was thinking,"

Angel sat up properly, "What about?"

"That maybe we should keep you on a bag diet," Buffy said and Angel flinched as if he'd been struck.

"You don't think I can control myself?" he murmured as he stared down at his lap.

"No, that's not it," Buffy reassured him, "In fact I'm positive that you could control yourself," Angel lifted his gaze again, "I just thought, that with your massive guilt complex… you wouldn't really want to sink fangs into a human throat. So instead, you could simply eat what they've already donated, like you are now. I mean, it's not hard to make connections in a town and have solid supply chain made, or to simply steal a cooler load, if that's the root you'd prefer to take," Buffy shrugged nonchalantly, "It's only a suggestion, we could still go to a club and have you feed off of a person if you want,"

 

Angel was silent for a moment, before he shook his head, "No you're right. I'd rather not feed off a person if I can help it,"

"Then you don't have to," Buffy said simply.

Angel winced and rubbed at his temples again as his demon shifted, angrily, his ire peaked again. A shadow fell over him and he looked up to see Buffy standing over him.

She bent down so that she was eye to eye with him for a moment before she leaned in close, her lips hovering by his ear, making his skin tingle in a way it had no right to, "Get over it Angelus, you're not in charge anymore Angel is," she whispered before pulling back.

 

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Angel murmured a little amused despite himself.

"Maybe a little," Buffy admitted with a non-pulsed shrug.

"So, aside from tormenting a trapped demon… what else do you do for fun around here?" Angel asked.

"Well, aside from the single club, there isn't all that much to do in small town like this, but I make do with a few choice activities… I can show you if you like?" Buffy offered, sensing that he was looking for something to get him out of the house, possibly a distraction from the demon that she'd probably riled up even further…

 

"Yeah, I think I'd like that a lot," Angel replied.

"Great, go get ready and we'll head off," Buffy shooed him before turning away and heading down to the basement to prepare herself for a night doing what she liked to do best…


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters mentioned in the cannon.

**CHAPTER 7**

 

Angel looked up at the shop that he and Buffy had come to in confusion, "You enjoy… embroidering?" he asked, trying his hardest to sound casual about it, despite his growing dismay.

Buffy glanced over at him and chuckled, "Oh yea of little faith," she chided with amusement, "Just come on," she encouraged, before she walked forward and pushed open the door and stepped inside.

Angel hesitated a moment longer before following her in. He walked with her past the isles of materials, threads and other bits and pieces that an embroider would want.

 

"Oh hey," the tall woman behind the register greeted.

"Hey, Civ… the fella's outback?" Buffy asked as Civ gave Angel a once over.

"Is the world still turning?" Civ asked with a small amount of sarcasm, "I swear nothing short of the apocalypse would stop those boys from showing up for their weekly get together,"

Buffy chuckled, "Yeah, I have a feeling your right about that,"

"Go on out back. I'll bring some refreshments down in a minute… Your friend like the same as you?" she asked as she nodded in Angel's direction.

Buffy glanced over at him, "Yeah he does," she answered for him before moving on past the counter.

 

Angel followed, his curiosity peaked as he descended a staircase into what could only be described as a basement. A basement that was designed to be easily washed clean, and in the middle of it was a table with a variety of different types of demons seated around it cards in hand and box that had a litter of kittens inside of it.

 

"Hey guys, I hope you've got room for two more," Buffy greeted and the group of demons groaned.

"Why'd you have to invite her Clem?" One of the vampire's bemoaned.

Clem shrugged, "Seemed like the right thing to do," he replied before standing up, "How you doing Buffy?"

"Good," Buffy replied as she accepted a brief friendly hug  from the loose skinned demon that had initially invited her to the game months ago after she'd taken apart a group of rather angry demons… thus sparing him from being… well, being whatever those demons had planned for him.

 

"Who's your friend?" Clem inquired as he pulled back from the hug.

"This is Angel," she introduced and the small group stilled for a minute, the only sound were the kittens as they continued to mewl.

Clem nodded as the moment passed, "Oh, will Angel be joining us?"

"I don't know, Angel will you?" Buffy asked him.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Angel agreed and followed Buffy over to the table where two extra spaces had already been made.

 

This was the last thing he'd been expecting…

 

"Just so we are clear," the demon that had spoken before stated, "You're not screwing us out of the prize this time freak,"

Angel tensed and a growl rumbled from inside of him. He stilled however as Buffy touched a hand to his arm.

"If you don't want me walking with your kittens you better not flinch this time, huh Davey," she retorted calmly as she removed her hand again as the cards were shuffled and dealt…

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel walked beside Buffy as they strolled through the night, the box being carried in Buffy's arms emitting scuffling and mewling sounds, "So, do you play poker with those guys every week?" he asked curiously, stilled rather awed by what he'd witnessed…

 

Never, never had he thought that the innocent little waif that he'd turned centuries ago, would be such a talented poker player.

 

"Nah. I mean I'd like to, but if I did, they'd probably stop letting me play," she said with a small chuckle, "I go once or twice a month, clean 'em up every time I do," she said proudly.

"And you always play for kittens?" Angel asked as an extremely loud meow sounded from the box.

"Yep. It's the hottest demon currency of the moment," Buffy quipped.

"If that's the case… how is it you only have one cat?" Angel asked bemused.

Buffy smirked, "Keep up and you'll find out," she teased.

"No worries there," Angel murmured as he easily kept pace with the petite blond down the street and around a corner into the business district.

 

They walked down another two blocks before they approached a small building that had Sunnydale Vetinary Clinic stencilled in white on the window pane.

Buffy came to a stop in front of the building and knocked.

Angel looked at the building as he heard the familiar sounds of a person moving about inside, as they responded slowly to the knock to the knock at the door of their business.

"So, you win the kittens and you… give them to a vetenarian?" he enquired quizzically.

Buffy shrugged, "Amellia finds them a good home," Buffy shifted uncomfortably at the look he was giving her, "What? I think the cute little balls of fur would prefer being pampered in a good home rather than eaten for a demons dinner or used as bait,"

Angel held up his hands in surrender, "I wasn't judging," he swore.

"That look was something," Buffy retorted, uncomfortable with him all over again in a single instant.

 

The door opened before Angel could voice a reply, revealing a tall slender dyed strawberry blond, "Buffy, I was wondering if you'd be by tonight,"

Buffy held the box out to the woman who took it without further comment, "The game went a bit longer than usual,"

"Are you sure you don't want one?" Amellia tempted.

Buffy didn't hesitate as she shook her head in a negative response, "Nah, they'd be happier in a nice human home,"

Amellia nodded, "Right," she murmured her gaze flicking curiously over to the handsome man that she'd never seen before standing beside Buffy. She tore her gaze from him and cleared her throat before speaking again, "Will I be seeing you next fortnight?"

Buffy nodded, "That's the plan. I'll let you know if that changes,"

 

Amellia nodded and after exchanging a couple more words shut the door on the two… leaving the two in a moment of awkward silence before Buffy began walking her hands in her pockets and a frown on her face.

"Buffy wait," Angel called grabbing her arm by the elbow, "I honestly wasn't judging," he said as Buffy angled herself to look back at him.

Angel released her arm and gave an awkward shrug, "I just, I never thought that I'd be able to,"

Buffy turned so that she was facing him completely, "You never thought what?" she asked with a frown.

Angel swallowed thickly, "I never thought that I'd be able to look at any of the Children I… he Sired with anything other than the deepest sense of shame, self-disgust and guilt,"

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest as she waited with growing impatience for him to finish.

"But, when I look at you, I feel…" Angel struggled for a moment to find a word that appropriately matched the strange new emotions that were filling him, "I think the best word for it is, pride,"

 

Buffy uncrossed her arms from her chest, letting them fall to her sides as all the ruffled wind went from her metaphorical feathers, "Oh," she said a little shamefaced, one of her hands came up to rub at the back of her head sheepishly and she was sure that she'd be blushing if she still had the ability, "I, I never thought of anyone being proud of me before," she murmured, her tone soft and almost nostalgic. She shook her head and lowered her hand, "Well let's continue on, the night of what I like to do has only just begun," she enthused with a smile before she continued on down the street.

"So, what's our next stop?" Angel asked as he caught up to the little blond.

"Oh, just to the spot I've found offers the best remedy for working out issues,"

"You do know that tells me nothing, right?" Angel responded a little bemused, his body once again relaxed now that the tension between them had passed.

"Yup," Buffy replied brightly and left it at that as they began making their way from the CBD.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel winced as an unfortunate vampire slammed into the stone crypt wall, before slumping to the ground after a solid kick from a booted foot sent him flying across the confined space.

As he watched, from his spot by the open crypt door, he couldn't move as he watched every movement Buffy made as she fought the small family that had been squatting in the crypt…

 

It was a little odd for him… he'd never really got to see this side of her… the only violence he'd ever seen from her that hadn't been prompted and urged rather forcefully by his demon… was when she'd hit him in her home.

He couldn't take his eyes off her as she moved with a fluid grace of someone who was well versed in the art form… even the demon was suspiciously quiet after a long night of hearing him snicker and sneer at Buffy's activities…

 

And now… Angel swallowed a little disquietedly at the emotions that were stirring in him…

 

Buffy spun on her heel and ducked under a punch, before she retaliated with a solid punch to his gut, forcing the vampire to double over, before she plunged a makeshift stake into his chest as he attempted to straighten up.

 

Angel broke his stillness as one of the vampires attempted to make a getaway, and with a movement that was swift and clean, but no less painful, he grabbed him by the collar, before shifting his grip on the male, bending him backwards as he rammed a knee solidly into the centre of his spine, the snap of his spine breaking loud in his ears, along with the scream of pain the emitted from the vampire.

 

Buffy glanced over as she efficiently dealt with the last squatter to see Angel dropping the broken body of the twitching, groaning vampire.

With a sigh Buffy dusted off her clothes a cloud of dust rising off them in soft puffs.

Angel cleared his throat as he turned his gaze away from the vampire he had downed, "So, you do this often?"

Buffy shrugged, "No, not really," she replied as she began wandering around the crypt, searching for something, "I mean it's great stress relief, so sometimes I do pick on them, but that isn't the case tonight… these guys, were looking to cause some serious mischief, you know the kind that could feasibly end the world," she explained as she kicked some ragged dirty cloth out of her way, "Of course they didn't have the mojo by themselves so I was going to just leave them be, but they so happened to contact a Witch, a witch whom so happened to contact Willow, who let me know, so… they had to be dealt with," Buffy lifted the lid of the tomb and made a sound of triumph as she found what she was looking for and reached in with her free hand, "Or at the very least have this removed from their possession," she finished her explanation as she waved a book in the air,"

 

"So… you really do save the world?" Angel murmured rather awed by her once again.

Buffy shrugged, "On occasion. It, well it doesn't keep me out of trouble, but it keeps me entertained,"

Angel toed the vampire that was still twitching at his feet in misery, "What do you want to do with this fellow?"

Buffy glanced down at the vampire with a small thoughtful frown, before she shrugged, "Leave him to stew in his agony, make him think twice about trying to end the world again," she said before dismissing the vampire that shot her a glare as she began to move from the crypt.

Angel frowned down at the vampire, torn, "Wouldn't it be better to end him so that he can't hurt anyone again?" he asked causing Buffy to pause in her tracks.

She turned back to him, her expression thoughtful, "Hmm, well I suppose you're right," she agreed, before she tossed her makeshift weapon on his direction.

Angel caught it deftly, but levelled a slightly confused look at her.

Buffy shrugged again, "It was your idea," she murmured, before she looked away a little self-consciously, "And I… I've kind of…" she sighed out a frustrated breath, "Look, I, It's one thing for me to kill to protect a friend, or to prevent the destruction of the world as we know it, but…" she gestured at the downed vampire, "As he is now… he's harmless, and it's not like there is a second a copy of this book just laying around… it's one of a kind,"

 

Angel's lips twitched up with affection, beyond his control, there was the innocent woman he remembered. The woman who didn't like violence, who blanched at the taking of life… it warmed him to catch a glimpse of that again, to know that despite how much she had grown and changed, she was still that person at heart.

Angel looked down at the vampire again that was now doing his best to attempt to inch his body away. His expression conflicted and thoughtful as he wondered who he was. He knew who the demon was and he knew what he had been as a mortal man, but who was he now? Or maybe the better question was who did he want to be now?

 

His hand tightened around the stake Buffy had tossed him and in the next moment he had stepped after the inching vampire and placed a foot on the break in the vampires back earning afresh scream. He ignored the flash of satisfaction the sound gave him, before he lunged and thrust the stake into the vampire's heart, before standing as the vampire exploded into dust.

He turned back to Buffy, "He won't be hurting anyone else again," he muttered as he moved to join Buffy by the door.

"No, he won't," she agreed as she followed him out into the night once again.

The two walked in what could be considered companionable silence for a long moment, before Angel turned his gaze back down to the small blond, "So, is the night over?"

"No, not yet. Tonight's one of the nights Willow has night class, so I tend to walk her home so that she doesn't get into trouble, plus now that I've got this," she waggled the book in front of her, "It's best to get rid of it quick and Will's will want to be in on that," she said in a matter-of-fact manner as she guided them towards the cemetery's exit.

 

***O*O*O***

 

"Hey Buffy, Angel," Willow greeted with an open friendly smile as she walked up to the two that were waiting at the usual meeting place, "How's your night been?"

Buffy shrugged, "Showed Angel the sights and sounds,"

"So, that accounts for five whole minutes," she teased.

"Rescued some kittens from a grizzly fate," Buffy added and Willow made a face at the reminder that some demons were fond of kittens as a delicacy.

"Beat up on some vampiric squatters, oh and they happened to have this," she lifted the book and held it out to Willow, "Wouldn't happen to know anything about it would you?"

 

Willow's eyes lit up with excitement, "No way, you actually got it,"

"Uh-huh," Buffy said with a nod, "It was almost like taking candy from a baby… not that I would know, that is," she rambled a little and a frowned puckered down her brow as she forced herself to stop, a skill she had learnt over centuries of practise.

Willow took the book from Buffy almost reverently and turned it over in her hands, "To think of all the knowledge in here," she murmured, "It seems such a pity,"

Buffy shot Willow a look that was chiding, but all stern and unyielding, "Remember when we talked about knowledge and how not all of it is good and some is best left unknown?"

Willow nodded, "Yeah, I know," Willow sighed out a suffering breath before she set her shoulders and offered her companions a smile, "Well, let's get going then. The sooner this is over the better,"

 

Angel walked with the two women in silence, his curiosity peeked as he eyed the book that was clutched now in Willow's hands. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask about it, but he refrained sensing that now was not the time.

 

***O*O*O***

 

"Come on in Angel," Willow invited her friend's Sire in over the threshold of her front door as Buffy stepped through the door, before she stepped through herself, her hands moving to manipulate the buttons of her coat so she could shrug off her jacket.

Angel hovered at the doorway uncertain for a moment. The easy way the slender red head had just invited him in, whilst knowing what he was, taking him aback a little. His brown gaze skirted to Buffy and she gave him a reassuring smile and small almost unnoticeable nod. He returned the smile, before stepping over the threshold and into a human’s home for the first time in what felt like an eternity to him.

 

Buffy turned her gaze away from her Sire who was busy shutting the door behind him whilst he gathered himself, "So, do we need to make a small bonfire out back?" she asked casually.

"Hm," Willow made a thoughtful sound, before she said brightly, "Nah the fire place should do the trick nicely,"

Buffy raised a slightly sceptical brow as she regarded her friend, "Are you sure, cause the last time there was that explosion…" she trailed off as Willow's cheeks flushed red with embarrassment.

 

"Yeah, that was, bad," she muttered, "Also a miscalculation on my part. This time there will be no loud booms that through us across the room," Willow murmured resolutely, before wandering out of the rounded living space they were standing in and moving into the kitchen, placing the book down on a closed chest as she went to grab the herbs she needed from the kitchen.

 

"So," Angel began softly as he approached Buffy his hands dug deeply into the pockets of his jacket, "I take you guys burn occult books often?" he posed it as half a question, his curiosity peeked once again.

"No… oh the explosion thing… no that was a cursed object… some kind of nasty pendulum thing that… well, it made with the making people crazy, killing their spouses, mothers, fathers… siblings, well you get the idea. Destroying the thing, kind of made a really big boom, and made a huge mess,"

"To make it worse," Willow chimed in as she came back in small jars filled with herbs in hand, "Oz, that's my boyfriend walked in a moment later… it took forever for him to stop frowning at every candle, herb and charm in the house,"

"Not to mention the quiet, but piercing looks he gave me that spoke volumes… which is ironical considering he's very stoic and monosyllabic," Buffy muttered.

 

"So, the book needs to be burned because?" Angel inquired as Willow began opening the jars by the fireplace that already had an arranged pile of unburnt wood ready.

"Dark magicks," Buffy responded, "The kind that could end the world, or irreparably alter it in the wrong hands,"

"Even in the right hands, the desire to use it and test it would be really great, so the potential for disaster is there no matter who has it," Willow chimed in, her voice trailing off into a mutter as she shot the book a look.

"How's the curiosity bug going Wills?" Buffy quipped.

"It's itching," Willow admitted, "It's just so old and… all the spells and learning in the text…"

"It's evil Wills… evil," Buffy reminded, "The knowledge in it is best left unknown and lost," 

 

At that Willow visibly twitched but nodded and turned her full concentration on what she was doing once again.

 

The three stood in silence as Willow continued to prepare the herbs that she intended for the flames, muttering quietly to herself as she worked, until finally she straightened up, "Right, with this assortment of herbs the book should be completely destroyed even if it's got some super-duper protective spell warding it from destruction, and if not," she shrugged, "They'll smell nice when they burn,"

 

Buffy walked over to the book before Willow could and picked it up and moved towards the fireplace.

"Ready?" Buffy asked.

Willow nodded and with a word and small motion of her hand, she had flames crackling happily in the fireplace, hungrily lapping at the wood.

She murmured a few words in Latin, before tossing the herbs into the flames making them roar brighter.

Without hesitation Buffy threw the book in the flames and watched it burn.

The blond didn't even need to look at her red headed friend to know that she was in a pain that only a person as attached to knowledge and books as she was could feel. She reached out a hand and placed it on her friends arm comfortingly.

 

After the moment passed Willow cleared her throat and gave herself a small shake, "Well, yay, no explosion,"

Buffy nodded, "Definite bonus," she agreed as she lowered her arm back down to her side.

 

Behind them Angel was once again silent, trapped in thought as he regarded Buffy once again. He wasn't used to this feeling… it felt freeing and suffocating all at the same time… and frightening. It frightened him that it was possibly all a dream…

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy walked down the stairs into the basement of her home, her hands using a towel to dry her hair that was still wet from her shower.

Her gaze fell on Angel as he lay back on his mattress, his hands folded behind his head as he regarded the ceiling thoughtfully.

"Is it speaking to you?" she asked casually and watched amused when Angel jumped.

 

"What?" he asked with confusion.

"The ceiling is it speaking to you? Perhaps spilling the closely guarded secrets of plaster?" she teased.

Angel stared at her wordlessly for a moment before he cracked a smile and chuckled, "No, nothing so uh, grand. I was just thinking,"

"So, that was your pensive face… or was it brooding face," Buffy pondered, ignoring the look Angel gave her, "No, you wouldn't be brooding… unless you're looking for another beat down?"

 

The demon snarled, once again riled at her disrespect, but Angel ignored it. It was a task that he was slowly beginning to find easier… and he had a feeling that it had something to do with his eldest Childe's presence.

"No, not brooding," Angel assured her, "I was just thinking how amazing you are," he responded honestly, before he could catch himself.

Buffy froze briefly, before she regained herself and smirked at him cheekily, glad that her heart could no longer beat and that her cheeks couldn't flush, giving away her emotions, which where a surprising mix of pleasure and embarrassment, "Wow, you really are a charmer, aren't you,"

 

She dropped the towel and plopped herself down on her bed, and effortlessly settled herself in a confident pose that was similar to what Angel's had been before she had announced herself, "Well, you can forget it. I'm immune to your charms,"

"Are you," Angel murmured, the words half posed as a question.

"Uh huh," Buffy agreed without hesitation, "They have no effect on me whatsoever," she asserted.

 

Angel lay back down his gaze returning to the ceiling. He tried to ignore his baser instincts and his own pride, along with the demons already irritated displeasure.

It was difficult however, when every instinct wanted to prove her wrong, despite knowing that he shouldn't even entertain the idea of winning her affections.

It wasn't what he was here for, and yet… her words, almost made it feel like a challenge and that was something human or demon had always had a hard time ignoring and it didn't help, that he wanted to…

 

***O*O*O***

 

In a small bar situated in the bad part of the small town, a well-known snitch cowered, his jaw throbbing and the taste of blood in his mouth.

His bar was in a shambles, as if a bar fight had broken out.

"Please what do you want?!" Willy cried out desperately, cowering further as the brown skinned demon with the cruel glowing red eyes advanced on him once again.

"Hold Athra," a cool voice spoke from the shadows and a man, a vampire if Willy wasn't mistaken and he very rarely was about that sort of thing, stepped into his sight.

 

The dark skinned demon heeded the tall vampire's command much to Willy's relief. His relief was short lived under the cold gaze of the vampire that was now directing his full attention on him.

"You will have to forgive Athra. He has trouble controlling his base nature,"

Willy flicked his tongue out over his lips nervously, and flinched as the slick muscle slid of a stinging cut, "Uh, sure," he said weakly, his body trembling, "Just look, I swear, I don't know you so, whatever you may have heard…" Willy trailed off as the vampire laughed, the sound lacked mirth and chilled Willy's blood.

 

"Of course you don't. I doubt very much that anyone knows me in this town… except one, if the rumours are correct and she is in fact here," he looked around the trashed bar and sniffed with distain, "Though why she'd choose such a place is beyond me," he mused, “However, if she is… well everyone else I’ve spoken to has said Willy’s the one to talk to. They all whisper of how you know things, about practically everything in this little hole,”

"I uh," Willy stammered, "I need a name, or at the least a description," he said weakly.

"Ah of course. How forgetful of me. She goes by the name of Buffy…"


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters mentioned in the cannon.

 

**CHAPTER 8**

 

Willow stretched her arms out over her head and let out a tired groan. She blinked her eyes and squinted as she realized that the sun was trying to make it through her drawn curtains.

"Oops," she muttered to herself as her gaze landed on her wall clock and she realized that it had somehow gotten to be seven in the morning and she hadn't even realized.

 

She glanced back down at the old, musty pages of the book, pages that were beginning to yellow with age and nibbled her lower lip as she debated whether or not she could risk reading for another fifteen minutes before starting to get ready…

With a heavy sigh Willow memorized the page number and shut the book. Her gaze turned a little guilty as she regarded the cover of the book that was supposed to be nothing more than a pile of burnt ash after last night.

 

She stood from the chair with determination. She hadn't done anything wrong, not really. All she wanted was to know what was in it… if any of it could be twisted into some form of Wiccan magic… besides, it really would be criminal to let the knowledge contained disappear completely. Willow picked the book up and tucked it safely away on a shelf, before she reluctantly headed for the bathroom.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Athra stood silently to the side of his master. His battle hardened body ready to spring into action at a moment's notice should the need arise. His eyes were trained straight ahead, but even so he knew every moment his master made. Even the small fact that the strange vampire was thumbing the curve of a small locket that held the portrait of the vampiress that had managed to get away.

 

"Tell me Athra," his master broke the silence between them, "Do you think she is here?"

The question itself didn't surprise the demon. It was one that he had been asked many times since her flight, despite the fact that his answer never changed, never would, "You do not pay me to think,"

"No, I don't suppose I do," was the reply before the vampire moved off.

Athra quietly followed, taking up his post outside the door that his master would take his daytime rest in.

His gaze staring straight ahead once again, unblinking as he took in the still room with a dispassionate gaze.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy stifled the urge to shift uncomfortably as she stared at the dishevelled man that smelt strongly of fear and nervous sweats. The fear was reflected in his wide brown eyes that looked almost black with his dilated pupils.

She could feel the other pair of eyes on her to waiting, watching expectantly wanting her to do what he wanted… to please him with a vicious display of blood and death.

 

She wanted to… a deep raging, hungry part wanted to make him bleed and cry… to make him choke on his own blood whilst she drained the life from him…

However, her conscious wouldn't allow it… it recoiled at the idea of deliberately hurting the terrified man.

She tore her gaze from the man and focused her gaze on the floor at her feet, "I-I can't Angelus. I'm sorry," she apologized to her Sire without looking at him. She felt more than heard him move from his spot across the room and she let out a sighing breath as his arms folded around her from behind and his cheek rested against hers.

 

"Yes you can," he urged, his voice calm and persuasive, "You've done it before,"

Buffy leaned back against him, her eyes fluttering with pleasure at the feel of him so close, "Mmm, but last time I vomited afterwards," she reminded him. Her hands that had come up to rest over his, tightened over the backs of his larger hands as he drew away slightly.

"You'll do better this time," he urged, before sliding his arms from around her and gave her a gentle nudge forward.

 

Buffy hesitated a moment longer and glanced back at him, only to receive an encouraging nod. She turned back to face the man and walked towards him a little uncertainly, forcing herself to keep moving… forced her face to shift into the hard ridges of the newly risen demon that she was…

 

She swallowed thickly as her ears filled with the sounds of his muffled cries and whimpers… she didn't let it stop her from grabbing a fistful of his hair like Angelus had shown her and sinking her fangs into his neck and beginning to drink.

The blood flooded her mouth and she luxuriated in it… the taste, the feel…

 

After only a few swallows she lunged backwards… coughing and wiping blood from her lips… "I'm sorry… I can't, I can't kill him… I just can't…"

She felt Angelus' hands on her shoulders and she let out a shuddering breath and leaned against him as he stroked a hand down her hair.

"It's alright…" she heard him mutter after a moment.

She looked up at him hopefully, "It is?"

"Yeah," he assured her and gave her a small lopsided smile, "I'll finish him off… you go… get yourself cleaned up," he ordered.

Buffy stared at him a moment, before she nodded, "O-Ok,"

"I'll make it quick," he added when she lingered a moment longer.

Buffy shot him a grateful smile, before she walked out of the room and into the bathroom.

 

***O***

 

Buffy stood by a window looking out into the darkness as the night grew slowly older. She felt his presence in the room before he spoke.

"I have to go out for a bit,"

Buffy turned to look at him quizzical, "Is this one of those, teaching come with things?"

Angelus shook his head, "No, this isn't something you need to be concerned with… I'm just still a little hungry and I believe you'd feel more comfortable here,"

Buffy nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure I would," she agreed, but still she couldn't help but frown slightly… Angelus never wanted her to stay home when he hunted… he wanted her to learn all about it… take pleasure in it as he did… so…

 

He curled a finger under her chin and tilted her head up so that he could meet her gaze, "I won't be too long… just wait for me in here, promise?"

Buffy nodded after a moment's thought, "Of course. I'll be here," she agreed readily and watched as he turned and walked out of the room they'd been occupying without bothering to look back…

 

***O*O*O***

 

Buffy opened her eyes and took a moment to orientate herself. The feeling of loss and betrayal so strong in her that for a moment she thought that she was still in that room… waiting for a Sire that wasn't coming.

 

Buffy brushed some hair back from her face and let out a breath as she fully woke up. She looked over at the mattress that was Angel's bed and frowned slightly at seeing it empty. The smell of warmed blood reached her nose, drawing her gaze to the stairs, moments before the sound of door opening and closing reached her ears followed by the soft sound of footsteps. Which was followed by the sound of scampering fours and a joyous meow as Miss Kitty rushed into the basement and up onto the bed, determined to beat Angel down the stairs and into the room for her own personal cat reasons.

 

Almost mechanically Buffy raised a hand to pet the attention craving feline.

"Hey," Angel greeted as he stepped off the stairs.

"Hey," Buffy responded as Miss Kitty settled on her lap.

Angel paused as he took in the expression on her face, "What happened?" he asked.

Buffy raised her gaze to look at him, "Huh?"

"Somethings troubling you," he stated as he slowly made his way towards the bed again.

"I suppose I do have something face," she murmured more to herself than to Angel, "Ooh, thank you," she said as she gratefully accepted the mug that was filled with warmed blood and was pleased to note that he held a mug of his own.

 

At the insistent look he was giving her, she sighed out a breath and shrugged, "I was just thinking… I'm fine though, really. Contrary to what you might have been led to believe, blonds do think,"

Angel continued to stare at his eldest Childe as he wondered whether or not he should believe that nothing was bothering her.

Buffy glanced away from him, highly aware of his gaze… a gaze that at this moment made her want to twitch and fidget…

 

Instead she bounded up with enthusiastic energy and turned back to him, her slender hand reaching for his, "Come on," she urged as she curled her fingers around his palm and easily pulled him up from his sitting position, "I challenge you to a game of scramble," she declared as she began leading them out of the basement.

Angel allowed her to pull him along, a slightly confused look on his face at the abrupt change in her, "You play scramble?" he managed to ask as she was leading them up the stairs.

Buffy shrugged, "Willow got me into it - she's addicted, so I spend a lot of time playing with her… I'm actually getting pretty damn good - despite three quarts of the words in my vocabulary not actually being considered words of the English language according to Willow… and the Oxford dictionary,"

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel peaked over the cover of the book he was supposed to be reading as he and Buffy enjoyed a little quiet time after their game of scramble that had surprisingly, gotten quiet intense. Or, it had for him…

 

He'd found it difficult to concentrate on the game at all. His focus having constantly shifted to the small fleshy bit of pink tongue that would poke out from between her lips as she thought about her next move, or the pout that would form if he made a better word… which, he was embarrassed to admit even to himself, had him deliberately putting down words that would cause her to pout at the board, and sometimes at him before she'd go back to staring or glaring at the letters at her disposal.

Angel lowered his gaze back to the book that he was trying with little success to read. Inside him the demon roiled with a sneering, impatient irritation at _what he_ considered an annoyance.

For the first time Angel was able to easily ignore the festering emotions of the demon. He was in a rare light hearted mood and he wasn't going to let the demon ruin it.

 

The only thing that could bring it down after the very normal board game, was his concern over her earlier behaviour. She'd said that she'd only been thinking, however… his instincts told him that there was more to it than that. She'd had… a look of great pain on her face…

 

**_"Three guesses as to what was plaguing her dreams,"_ **

 

Before Angel could reply something small and cool hit him square in the forehead, before falling into his lap.

He raised a hand to his head for a brief moment as he lowered his gaze to his lap. He saw a small pale thin square peeking out between his thighs. He lowered his hand and picked it up between his thumb and forefinger, taking the letter 'B' piece from the Scrabble board that had been thrown at him.

He glanced over at Buffy to see that she was studying the fingernails that she had just recently finished painting as she sat by the table that the game was still sitting on.

 

"Don't even think about it," she said, before blowing cool breath over the nails to help speed up the drying process of the pink polish.

"About what?" Angel asked.

"Rising to whatever bait that ass just waved at you. It'll only make him bark more,"

"How'd you…"

Buffy shrugged and finally turned her gaze away from her nails, "You rumbled out a growl that was full of broody angst," she flicked her gaze down to the book in his hands, "And that book, doesn't have the kind of plot that warrants a broody growl," she said with a hint of a cheeky smile curving up the corners of her lips as she lowered her freshly painted hand. She switched the brush between her hands and dipped it back into the small bottle of polish to begin working on her opposite hand.

 

Angel found himself staring at her as she diligently painted one nail after the other. He didn't understand how she just knew, or understood when his demon was talking to him, taunting him. Somehow she just knew, despite the fact that there was no bond between them to speak of.

It scared and yet warmed him that someone could see him so clearly… and not outright reject him - especially someone he'd wronged so terribly in the past.

"Quit brooding or the nail polish will be next and that'll vex me - I'm particularly fond of this colour," she warned whilst showing off the pale pink that was coating the nails of her completed hand, "Plus, it'll stain the floor,"

 

"How do you always know?" Angel asked, his curiosity getting the best of him.

"You growled," Buffy replied casually as she carefully stroked the small brush up the length of her nail.

"I don't always growl and you still seem to just know," Angel pressed.

Buffy hesitated in her stroke, splotching the paint, causing her to mutter a soft curse and sighed as she wondered how she could answer his question without giving away too much, "I'm…" she began only to trail off as her mobile rang. She couldn't help but feel grateful at the timely interruption.

 

However, she frowned at the number displayed, "One of the hospital extensions," she muttered just loud enough for Angel to hear, before she answered it, "Hello… Willy?" she asked surprised.

"Level 2 east side, room 215," Willy's pained rasping voice came through the phone.

Buffy cocked a brow as she wondered who Willy had pissed off now to earn an express trip to the hospital this time, "Alright, I'll be there shortly after dark," she promised before hanging up.

She turned so that she was facing Angel, "Well, I'm off to see a snitch who has a penchant for getting into trouble,"

"Can't be a very good snitch then," Angel replied.

"Funnily enough, he actually is. He has a knack for hearing things and - uncovering things even when he doesn't want to," Buffy stood, "You can  come with if you want. He's actually a pretty good guy - for a snitch," she said with a shrug.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel walked a slight pace behind the petite blond as they walked calmly through the white hospital that smelt strongly of cleaning chemicals and the sick and dying. His gaze drifted to Buffy as they walked, noting just how calm and comfortable she appeared to be, despite the almost overwhelming scent of chemicals.

The scent of blood, lots of blood reached his nose as well as they moved. His body tensed in response reminding him just how much he craved the thick life giving liquid… how weak he was. His nostrils flared and he gritted his teeth together as his demon snarled and cooed in quick succession whispering words of temptation and reminders of how good it could feel to bite and tear - to feed…

 

A small slender hand curled around his, drawing Angel out of his spiralling thoughts and fraying control. His gaze focused back on Buffy and he let out a shaky breath.

 

_How did she know? How does she always know?_

 

He thought as he squeezed her hand gratefully.

 

Buffy kept her face firmly stoic as she kept a grip on Angel's hand as she led him down the corridor that she had walked down many times before on the request of the same man that they were on their way to see.

She had to fight the urge to bite her lower lip with a savagery that would give away the turbulent emotions that would be making her heart pound if it still had the ability to beat.

 

"It's just up ahead," Buffy spoke to break the tension she was feeling.

Angel cleared his throat, sensing her sudden unease and attempted to pull his hand free of hers, only for her to tighten her fingers about his hand, "So, uh… how long have you know this guy?"

Buffy shrugged, a smile curling up her lips, "Almost as long as I've been here. I swear you can't go six hours in this town without some bump in the night type muttering about him," she joked lightly.

"So, how is this guy still alive?" 

"Partly because of people like me, but mostly because his bar is only one in this town that accepts all kinds of cliental without question or judgement. And the unspoken rule is no violence in the bar, and surprisingly enough it's generally kept to," Buffy rambled a little, the conversation soothing her wound up nerves, "There is the occasional brawl - but what seedy bar doesn't have that?" she questioned rhetorically.

"Well, I've heard of one in L.A. magic prevents us from committing violence on the premise," Angel murmured.

"Ooh, I've heard of that place - haven't actually been," Buffy commented as they walked into room 215.

 

"You better not be talking trash about my place Goldilocks. I like you, but you don't talk trash about my place," Willy groaned out around teeth that were clenched in pain.

Buffy sucked in a breath at the sight of the oily haired man who's only real crime was knowing too much and having a loose mouth, "Damn Willy. Who did you piss off this time?" she asked. Her gaze roamed over the swelling that was so bad over one eye that it was almost completely swollen shut.

"Honestly, I have no idea," Buffy gave him a look, "Really, believe me," Willy cried and winced as his moment sent his battered body into a fresh round of pain despite all the medication he'd been put on for the pain, "This time, I've been keeping my mouth shut - for the most part - but haven't told anyone…" Willy took a breath, "I wasn't beat up over something I'd told,"

 

Willy groaned, "Look, Goldilocks. The person that beat me up - he… they were looking for you Goldilocks,"

Buffy frowned and her eyes widened as her thoughts took a slightly frantic turn, "They? There was more than one?" she asked cautiously as she tried to narrow down just who it was that had found her.

Willy gave her a look through the one eye that he could still see out of, "What? You saying that you've got more than one vampire after you that's willing to beat a man bloody?"

Buffy shrugged a little sheepishly, "Well, I've been around for 2 centuries. You spend that kind of time liv- well, un-living as it where, you kinda rake up a few…" Buffy trailed off awkwardly, "Uh, you said it was a vampire?" she changed tack, hoping to divert their attention, feeling the itch of Angel's gaze.

 

"One of them was yeah," Willy grumbled with a wince.

Buffy swallowed, "And the other one - he didn't happen to be big, brutish,"

"Very brutish - have you seen these bruises?" Willy complained.

"More than a little scowl-y with kind of um… a really bad fake tan of the dark brownish kind?" Buffy described.

"Sounds like him. He's got a nasty left and right hook and a mean kick," he grunted, "I'm pretty sure that the vamp called him A,"

"Athra," Buffy muttered, her mind whirling at the implications, before she turned on her heel and stalked out of the room.

"Buffy?" Angel called concerned and swiftly moved to follow her out of the room.

"You're welcome!" Willy called after them with a heavy amount of sarcasm, before wincing as he moved unwisely and sent pain coursing through his battered body once again.

 

***O*O*O***

 

Angel found himself quickening his stride to almost a jog to catch up the petite blond that was marching back through the hospital.

"Buffy - Buffy wait," he called after her when they exited the hospital and where crossing the darkly lit parking lot.

To his surprise Buffy did as he asked as she stopped and slowly turned to face him, "Who is Athra?" he asked.

Buffy chuckled, the sound lacked mirth or any joy, "He's hired muscle. Likes beating on people until they are bloody pulps - he prefers to beat them to a bloody dead pulp, so Willy - Willy got off lucky," she muttered with a frown marring her brow.

 

"Ok," Angel said slowly fighting to keep his voice calm as he tried to imagine just who - or why someone would be sending hired muscle after his eldest Childe, "If he's hired muscle - do you know who hired him?"

"Oh yeah," Buffy replied with a shrug that to Angel seemed too careless for someone who had just found out hired muscle was after her, "This guy works exclusively for one and one guy only. They've been together for years. As long as he keeps paying Athra remains loyal,"

"He?" Angel pressed when Buffy trailed off.

 

Buffy shifted a little uncomfortably, "Yeah he," she replied vaguely.

Angel gave her an encouraging look, that was only slightly impatient, "He, who?" he pressed.

Buffy chewed her lower lip, "Um, well… you see,"

Angel's expression turned quizzical at Buffy's reluctance to tell him, "Am I missing something here? I know that it's not my place to pry, but if someone's after you, I…"

"No, it's ok. It's fine - you should know. It's just, you're not going to like it," she hedged.

"Buffy, someone's coming after you. I already don't like it," Angel informed her.

Buffy rubbed at the back of her head, before she brushed some hair back behind her ear, "Right well, Athra is the longest and most trusted daytime bodyguard and general 'fix it' demon of a vampire that tends to go by the name of - The Immortal," she finally forced herself to get out the name. the frozen expression on Angel's face had her fighting the urge to wring her hands together fretfully - as if she was guilty of having done something wrong…

 

_Why do I care so much?_ She queried herself with no small amount of self-annoyance.

 

Angel flicked his tongue out over his suddenly dry lips, "The Immortal," he repeated the name slowly as he fought to keep himself calm at the mention of the older, powerful vampire that he had only met once before and that was as the demon, "The Immortal wants you dead?" he sought to clarify.

"Uh no," Buffy denied, increasing Angel's confusion, "Killing me isn't on his list of things to achieve - but he has been following me relentlessly for the past few decades," Buffy shrugged awkwardly, and unintentionally reached up a hand to twirl a lock of blond hair around her index finger, "I kinda bruised his manly ego,"

"You - stole something from him?" Angel asked hopefully as his demon seemed to wake from the stupor it had fallen into at the mention of _that_ name and he had to hold back the wince as he scoffed loudly.

 

Buffy let out a short dry chuckle, "Uh, kinda - You could say that I stole myself from him," she babbled.

Angel frowned.

Buffy sighed, "Look, I have a type ok. I'm not proud of it, but I tend to be a sucker for tall darkly handsome men that may or may not be evil and The Immortal, he was - is a real charmer and intelligent and he pursued me. He was the first vampire that didn't make me feel like I was a freak for what I am," she defend herself with a huff.

Angel swallowed thickly at the image those words put in his mind and he had to grit his teeth against a growl, "Why - What made you leave him?" he forced himself to ask with only a small hitch in his throat.

Buffy shrugged attempting to at least appear nonchalant, " _He is_ evil," she said simply, "And one night he crossed a line. Something that I could never forgive him for - and it just so happened that a few nights previous to that incident, I met Penn for the first time,"

 

Buffy stepped away a few paces and Angel slowly followed, a lump in his throat at the wistful expression he could see on her face, "Thinking back on it all now, I can't help but wonder if Penn planned it that way. That he somehow manoeuvred The Immortal into doing what he did. The Immortal is smart, but also arrogant, so it's possible," Buffy gave her head a shake and sighed out a long breath.

"So, this was before," Angel broke the silence and trailed off as Buffy nodded anticipating where he was going.

"Yeah, this was way before he threw Angelus and Spike in his dungeon in Rome and had his merry way with Darla and Drusilla," Buffy turned her gaze up to the night sky as she lend against the hood of a car, Angel slowly shifted to lean beside her, "The next time The Immortal caught up with me, he told me that he'd hoped that because Angelus has chosen to keep them close to his side that they would be even more fascinating then me - but he found himself disappointed in how easy it was for him to seduce them even whilst their 'menfolk' where at his mercy,"

 

Silence reigned between them for a long time as they both observed the night sky as the stars winked down merrily at them.

"You left _him_ out of your telling," Angel murmured, it wasn't an accusation, more of a quiet statement, a voicing of a thought to break the silence and distract himself from the roar in his head.

Buffy nodded, "I did. I didn't think it was something you needed to be concerned with - it's in the past and I honestly didn't think that The Immortal would think to search for me here, on a Hellmouth of all places,"

"What made him pursue you?" Angel found himself asking.

Buffy turned her gaze from the stars to the vampire beside her, "At first - it was because I wasn't afraid of him. I stood up to him and didn't back down, of course that was because, I didn't actually know who he was the first time I met him - after that, I'm not entirely sure. You'd have to ask him,"

"On that, I think I'll pass," Angel grumbled, only a little moodily.

 

Buffy nodded and straightened up from the car and rolled her shoulders.

"How'd you and Penn escape him in the first place?" Angel asked, his curiosity insatiable now after all The Immortal had run the demon in circles.

Buffy chuckled slightly, "That, I think, is a story that can wait for another time," she began walking away with a lazier stride now, "I have to start thinking up a game plan," she muttered lowly, but Angel still managed to hear.

He straightened and followed once again, his longer stride easily catching her up. A frown tugged down at his brow as he couldn't brush away the feeling that despite the fact that he was right beside her. She was planning to deal with it all on her own…


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters mentioned in the cannon.

**CHAPTER 9**

 

Willow stepped out of the lecture hall, walking side by side with a blond who was smiling a little shyly as she listened to Willow gush about the lecture.

"Yeah, it was very enlightening," she murmured softly.

"Wasn't it just," Willow said gleefully, "I can't wait to just get my hands on those texts that prof mentioned," Willow trailed off and her steps slowed briefly in her surprise as her gaze landed on the slender blond that was leaning against the wall, before her giddy expression become gleefully, "Oh my God, Buffy!" she exclaimed before rushing across the distance and enveloping the vampiress in a hug. The shy blond trailing behind the red head with curiosity and a timid awkwardness.

 

"You never come into the school," Willow gushed as she pulled back from the hug.

Buffy shrugged but before she could get a word in Willow continued.

"Buffy, this is Tara, Tara this is Buffy. Tara and I share a few classes,"

"I-It's nice to meet you," Tara stuttered.

"You too," Buffy returned the pleasantry.

Tara turned her gaze to Willow, "I sh-should go. I'll see you later W-Willow,"

 

"Oh ok," Willow said a little surprised at her friends sudden need to go, but all too happy to except it in the face of Buffy's presence actually inside a school building of the university campus. Willow watched Tara walk away for a brief moment before she turned her gaze back to Buffy, "This is good, you're socializing and - and just met a potential friend. Tara's great, a little shy, but really friendly and a great study buddy,"

"Willow," Buffy cut her off, "I can't become a student,"

"But why?" Willow half whined, "You said yourself that you'd like to be able to become a uni student,"

 

"And what else did I say," Buffy prompted as they started to walk down the hallway.

Willow sighed out a breath and pouted slightly, "That it wasn't a good idea," she admitted.

"I believe my exact words were. It's impossible," Buffy corrected.

Willow pouted as much as she tried to understand why Buffy thought it was impossible.  She just never could completely understand where the blond vampiress was coming from, but by the determined set of Buffy's face she knew that she wouldn't be getting anywhere on the topic with her tonight. So instead she diverted the conversation to the absence of her tall, dark handsome shadow, "So, where's Angel?"

 

"We are taking a small break from each other…" Buffy took in the look Willow was giving her and sighed out a breath as she realized that the red head wasn't buying her excuse, "Ok, so I ditched him when he went to have a shower. I needed some space to think," she admitted with a shrug.

"And you ended up here, with me. I'm touched," Willow murmured as they exited the building and began down a flight of steps.

"I wasn't going to miss our ritual walk," Buffy replied, "Plus there is something that I need to warn you about,"

Willow frowned slightly, "Why do I have the funny feeling that you're about to go all mysterious danger girl on me?"

 

"I don't know about mysterious, but there's definitely danger,"

"Oh, did Angel turn evil?"

"What!" Buffy exclaimed, before visibly calming herself, "No, he's still packing a guilt ridden soul - it's something - someone else,"

"And there's the mysterious," Willow muttered as they began their way across the lawn that was still green but dry and slightly crunchy beneath their feet.

"Sorry, I'm not meaning to be. This guy's come to town and is looking for me,"

 

Willow expression turned concerned and she regarded Buffy carefully as they continued their slow walk.

"I can handle it," Buffy assured Willow in response, "However this vampire is bad news. I mean he's the kind of evil that made Angelus look like a cute puppy. And he's already proven long before now that he's willing to do anything to get what he wants. So, I need you to be careful Wills. More than you normally are, because he's coming for me and this time I have things - people I don't want to lose,"

"Alright, I can be careful," Willow promised, "But what are you going to do?" she asked with concern and curiosity.

Buffy chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully, "I don't know yet - but, I think this time it's going to get bloody,"

"Why do you say that?" Willow asked.

Buffy shrugged, "Just a feeling I have," she said evasively.

 

***O*O*O***

 

A low growl rumbled from Angel's chest, before he realized just what he was doing and forced himself to stop the frustrated sound.

He should have seen this coming! He'd had the feeling that Buffy would try and deal with this all on her own and still he'd given her the opportunity to slip out almost completely undetected, it had still been long enough for him to decided that there was no point in trying to follow when he'd finally realized and had cut his shower short to investigate.

 

**_'Can you stop your whining already!'_** the voice of his irritated demon chastised him.

_'Just because you don't care about what happens to her, doesn't mean I don't,"_ Angel retorted, his tone clipped with his own irritation at the situation.

The demon roiled and sneered, **_'Oh please, like The Immortal would seriously be interested in that little vampire reject I have the misfortune to call my Childe,'_**

Angel was quiet for a moment, stung on Buffy's behalf, _'That is only you're opinion and trapped in here, it doesn't mean much,'_

Angelus growled in response to the pointed jab at his current circumstances, **_'Doesn't change the fact that she's probably just mistaken his interest,'_**

Angel snorted out loud at that, _'Right that's why he's followed her all the way to Sunnydale,'_

 

Angelus didn't respond, but Angel could still sense the demon's stubborn belief that there was no way that The Immortal could be that intensely interested in Buffy. Angel wasn't surprised by it, Angelus would find it difficult to believe that anyone could find anything of interest in something that he had thrown away.

 

Angel ran his hand through his still damp hair in agitation as he pondered once again on whether he should leave the apartment in search of her or wait in case she came back and needed him…

"Damn it Buffy where are you!" he muttered to himself.

 

Angelus chuckled breaking his silence far too soon for Angel's comfort.

**_'You sound just like a concerned Sire, or maybe a wife is a better term,'_ **

_'Then that's more than you ever did for her,'_ Angel bit back with a rumbling growl.

Angelus was silent for another moment before he responded to the accusation ** _, 'She wasn't worth the time,'_**

_'Why do I sense a sudden lack of conviction?'_ Angel retorted, the question was rhetorical, he already knew why. Angelus had been young when he'd turned Buffy, young and youthfully arrogant. He knew better now than to abandoned a newly turned Childe… so his words were empty and the demon knew it, even if he believed them to be true.

 

Angel shook his head at his thoughts on the demon's feelings in regards to his eldest, but was distracted as well as relieved as the sound of the front door opened behind him and he felt Buffy's presence wash over his senses and he turned towards the door, his eyes confirming what his senses where telling him.

Buffy paused in the doorway as her eyes caught on Angel and the look he was giving her, before she shut the door softly behind her, "Ok, why do I feel like I have to remind you that I'm a grown woman and don't need, nor will I respect a curfew?" she muttered a little self-consciously at the look that was more wounded then accusing but managed to make her feel like she was being accused all the same.

"No," Angel was quick to interject, "Of course not. I wouldn't even…" Angel took a breath as he paused a moment to gather his thoughts.

 

Buffy ducked her head in the briefest of nods as an understanding claimed her, "Well, this is going to take a bit of getting used to?"

Angel gave her a confused look, "What?"

"The whole being worried over thing," Buffy muttered as she stepped away from the doorway and shrugged off her jacket, "Don't get me wrong, it's not awful or anything, just… new," she assured him, "Blood?" she offered as she walked towards the fridge.

"Uh sure," Angel agreed as he followed her with his gaze.

 

Buffy pulled open the fridge door and grabbed out a couple of the hospital grade blood bags, before she nudged it closed again. She huffed out a small breath as she set the bags in the microwave and with the touch of a few buttons it whirled to life. She turned around so that she could lean against the bench, a small frown puckering her brow, "I uh, I didn't mean to worry you," she finally broke the silence that had descended upon them, "I just needed to think, and I had to warn Willow and walk her home," Buffy shrugged a little helplessly, not entirely sure why she felt the need to explain herself, except that he'd been worried… and it touched her.

 

The microwave beeped and Buffy turned to face it once again, glad for the distraction as she busied herself with the now hot blood bags.

Angel accepted the bag as Buffy handed it to him, before she walked past him and sank into the couch, "So, whilst you were thinking, did you end up coming up with a plan?" he asked conversationally as he sat down on the couch opposite to Buffy, whilst he determinedly ignored the demon's disparagement of the idea that she could come up with any kind of worthwhile plan.

Buffy's lower lip jutted out in a pout, "No," she admitted with only a mild irritation, "I don't tend to be big with the whole 'plan' thing,"

 

Angel fought to keep his expression neutral as Angelus took a moment to crow in the accuracy of his assumption.

Buffy leaned her back against the couch, getting comfortable as she settled herself, "I've always been more of a use the moment kinda girl. It's always worked for me before,"

"So, why do you feel the need for a plan now?" Angel enquired, his gaze intense in his seriousness.

"This time feels different," Buffy admitted, "Kind of like, The Immortal and I are moving through the last steps of this dance we've been moving through," she shrugged with more nonchalance than she felt, "And that means, it's going to get messy," she muttered with another sigh, before she bit into her bag and took a few large swallows, before lifting her head, "That's going to go cold on you," she stated.

"Right," Angel muttered and absently lifted the bag to his face and bit into it in a similar manner Buffy had. His thoughts full of The Immortal like it hadn't been for years.

 

Buffy finished her bag and stood to go bin the now empty stained bag, "Besides, this time, I owe him some pain," she muttered as she dropped it into the bin.

"Pain?" Angel asked with curiosity.

Buffy glanced back at him over her shoulder, "For Willy,"

"That snitch?" Angel said slightly surprised.

"Yeah," Buffy replied simply, "He's always been good to me and despite his rep… he's really a good guy. Well, goodish," she said with a small smile. She rolled her shoulders and abruptly changed the subject, "Now, unless you haven't finished in the bathroom. It's my turn for the shower,"

 

***O*O*O***

 

Willow idly flicked through the pages of the occult book that was supposed to be burned to a smoky crisp, she stopped flicking at a random page and her eyes eagerly scanned the printed words on the pages, soaking in the knowledge as easily as her normal textbooks…

It was fascinating… the more she read, the more she couldn't help but wonder why Buffy thought the book needed to be destroyed. The contents didn't seem all that bad… there were a few things that were a little 'iffy' she supposed, but overall…it was amazing. She had never even known that half of the spells… the power had even existed before…

 

It was exhilarating to know what was just at her fingertips if she cared to take it… Willow let out a slow breath as she took a moment to take stock of her thoughts, pondering for a brief moment if perhaps they were going down a dangerous road.

She shook her head at herself and lowered her gaze back to the page, just because she found it exciting and exhilarating at the possibilities didn't mean that she was actually going to put them into practice…

Still, she chewed her lower lip for a moment as she wondered whether or not she should tackle a portion of one of her waiting assignments. After a moment she decided that it could wait a few more hours, before she started reading once again…

 

***O*O*O***

 

_Buffy inspected the grubby small leg that had been extended out to her by one of her small charges, tears still drying on his rounded cheeks. Her eyes focused on the small graze situated just below his knee. Her gums ached a little from the scent of the drying blood, but she was old enough and controlled enough now that she barely noticed the sensation, "Well, it is just as I expected," she told the distraught child as she raised her gaze to his watery blue gaze and smiled for him, "You'll be perfectly fine,"_

_The young boy sniffled and wiped the back of his nose on his worn sleeve, "Are you sure Miss?" he asked._

_Buffy nodded as she used the apron she had tied around her waist to dab at the tears that were streaking down his cheeks, "I'm positive. I will bathe it for you when we get back home,"_

_The little boy pouted at her, "B-But won't that hurt?"_

_"Only a little bit," Buffy attempted to assure him, "But if you're very brave I'll bake some sweets for you and the others,"_

_The little boy nodded eagerly, pain suddenly forgotten in his eagerness for something sweet, "Really? I'll be the bravest boy in the orphanage - no, the whole world!"_

_Buffy beamed at him, "I'm sure you will be," she agreed readily, happy to see a smile on his face after all the tears, "Now, shall we head back and tell the others to wash up?" he nodded eagerly and slipped his hand into her free one as she hooked her arm around the basket that was filled with bread, fruit and an assortment of ingredients and vegetables for the kitchens._

 

_Buffy straightened up, her fingers curling around his small, warm fragile hand. A tingle washed over her senses and she frowned, her teeth sinking into her lower lip for a brief moment as she recognized the feeling._

 

_Vampire._

 

_A strong one was nearby, and that never boded well, especially not when she had one of her young charges out with her and he had been bleeding… which would draw any vampires attention…_

_She released her lower lip from the prison of her teeth as she glanced in the direction of the presence that was setting the fine hairs on her body on edge._

_It only took her a moment to spot him as he strode down the street, his posture impeccable and his stride one of infallible confidence._

_She didn't like him immediately._

_His gaze found hers almost at the exact same moment hers had found him. She hardened her gaze in warning, allowing them to flash amber for the briefest of moments, a clear sign that he wasn't welcome around her and whom she considered hers… and the children in her charge where all hers! She wouldn't let anything befall them, not whilst she saw to them._

 

_A tug on her arm drew her attention away from the vampire and down to her charge, "Aren't we going home?"_

_Buffy smiled and turned her mind from the vampire, "Yes Mal, we're going home," she agreed and started off down the street, without denying to give the handsome vampire a second glance. She'd delivered her silent warning, she could do nothing more, not when one of the children was with her._

 

**_*O*O*O*_ **

 

_Buffy sat on a stone bench in the courtyard of the mostly bleak orphanage that was really far to bleary for her liking. It should be more cheerful and colourful for the children that were forced to recede that. Her consolation was that since she'd managed to land her post as it's caretaker the children had been filled with smiles and laughter and all it had taken was a bit of thralling and the use of an employee for day time needs…_

 

_The sounds of her children as they romped and played as children where want to do whilst outside filled her ears and filled her with a sense of joy and contentment that she had once thought beyond her. She turned her gaze to an approaching female child and smile as she silently held out a page of paper to her._

_Buffy took the paper and graced the drawing upon it with a beaming smile, before lifting her gaze to the child, "It's beautiful," she complimented, "Is this supposed to be you and I?" the young girl nodded._

_"It's for you," she admitted shyly._

_"I'll treasure it," Buffy promised as she traced a gentle hand over the child's drawing. Her smile froze on her face as she felt the very vampire she had warned off not two nights ago in close proximity. She lifted her gaze again, forcing herself to remain calm, so as to not frighten her charges. She stood and took the girl's hand and started walking towards the other playing children, "It's time get ready for bed," she told them once she had their attention._

 

_Her pronouncement was met with groans and whines and pleas for five more minutes, something she would normally consider especially if, like now she was cutting them short, "I'll make it up to you all, I promise, but for now. Inside all of you," she said sternly and used her best stern and unyielding face._

_She watched them all as they began trudging towards the building. Silently counting them as they disappeared inside the relative safety of their home. The moment the door closed behind the last one she turned away from the building and focused her gaze on the dark corner she knew he was hiding and he stepped out of the shadows. She narrowed her gaze on him and bit back the rumbling growl that wanted to sound from her throat, "I warned you to stay away from me," she said without preamble as she barred the way to the children she had grown rather attached to over the time she'd been caring for them._

 

_The strange vampire shrugged as he strolled forward apparently unfazed by her hostility towards him, "You can hardly blame me for being curious, young one. It is surprising to see a vampire tending a child's wound and offering comfort… let alone caring for a brood of unwanted children,"_

_Buffy frowned darkly at him, "It's none of your business," she stated coldly, "You should leave now, before I lose my tightly controlled temper," she demanded, her normally warm hazel eyes cold and full with the promise of future violence if he didn't comply._

_The unwelcome visitor laughed and wiped at non-existent tears, "You don't know who I am do you?"_

_Buffy did growl then and in a quick movement closed the distance between them, snapped a small twig from a nearby tree and closed in on him. She stopped a mere hairs breath from him, the ragged  edge of wood poised over his chest and sneer curling back her lips, "What makes you think I care?" she demanded to know, "You could be King of the world for all I care. You are on my turf, threatening what's mine. That makes you a dusted dead thing walking if you don't leave now and make sure that you never come here again,"_

_"Well, isn't that a fine welcome into the town," he responded calmly not seeming to care at all about the pointed bit of wood that was threatening his heart._

 

_"What?" Buffy grumbled her hand tightening around her makeshift weapon._

_"I've decided to move into this quaint little town for a time," he responded._

_Buffy growled, "What do I look like? Your welcoming committee?" she sneered, "Just leave, before I decide that you’re well and truly overdue to meet your ashes,"_

_After a long moment, where the strange vampire stared at her in a way that had her fighting the urge to squirm and look away from just how invasive the look felt… the older vampire took a step back and gave her a small bow which she couldn't decide if it was sincere of mocking, before he straightened, "I'm sure we'll be seeing each other again, young one," he said in way of parting._

_Buffy sneered after his retreating form, "I sincerely hope not," she grumbled after him before she dropped the twig and turned to join the children inside the house…_

 

"Buffy… Buffy?" Angel called and placed a hand on her slender shoulder, slightly concerned at how she'd let herself slump over the table instead of going to bed if she was tired.

Buffy blinked open her eyes, "I'm awake," she murmured as she straightened up in her chair, "I was just thinking," she muttered and rolled her shoulders.

Angel slid into the chair beside her, "Planning?"

"Reminiscing," she muttered with a wince, "I seem to just attract trouble," she grumbled to herself, "No matter what I'm doing,"

"What?" Angel questioned confused.

Buffy gave him a slightly sheepish look, "I first met The Immortal when I was running an orphanage," she admitted.

 

Angel choked on his own saliva at the revelation… Buffy, his Childe… a descendant of the order of Aurelius, famed for its bloody and violent history… had ran an orphanage… 


End file.
